Ups and Downers

What a week for Andrew. It's been a while since I posted anything about how he's doing, so here we go. Overall, he's been progressing well and we continue the attachment therapy that has literally turned our whole family around. Andrew and Sky have both benefited from that. Andrew's anxiety and fears are virtually gone, outside of an occasional bad dream or memory popping up. Academics are another matter, and we've been concerned since he returned to school and left our more laid back, creative home school environment. He was evaluated and tested out the wazoo recently, and was found to be attentive 23% of his day. The other 77% he is distracted due to sensory issues and ADHD symptoms. This concerns Daniel and I greatly, so we're looking into an alternative medication for him.

Meds, meds, meds....urrrrgh. The 4-letter word that we can't live with, and can't live without. He's been on an anti-anxiety medicine that also significantly curbs depression. This helped mainly with his old PTSD trauma symptoms. We have to take him off that in order to start an ADHD medicine because his psychiatrist is nervous about overmedicating a boy who is so low-weight. As he withdraws from this medicine he's seeming more irritable and sad, but hasn't displayed any trauma symptoms (that's the good news). He's apparently feeling more safe and secure...yay! Now, if we could just help him through this withdrawal phase without him getting too depressed. Poor fella thinks everyone is against him these days! We don't know yet if this is just a withdrawal side effect, a sign he has real clinical 'depression' or just needs therapy to help him change his thinking. Whatever the case, he's starting new ADHD meds next Monday and we're all bracing ourselves, hoping it goes well.

As always, Daniel and I have mixed feelings about all of it. We're seasoned with mental health issues and treating our kids, but it's so very hard to discern what a child really needs. We do know for a fact that Andrew needs help focusing and learning in class; massage and vitamin supplements aren't cutting it. He's a wacky, wild, fun and beautiful boy...he's unique and will never fit into the little box our schools need him to fit into. I don't look forward to a zombie version of him, and hope we can skip meds on weekends so that the authentic and fun part of him can shine on us. I'm always amazed when kids have to be medicated just to pay attention and control impulsivity..... always stunned by it. But when we see numbers like "on task 23% of his day" we get very nervous for a boy who needs so desperately to feel "normal" and "smart" and all those positive things. He's brilliant in so many ways.

I'm stressed and apprehensive as I write all this, but I know there are so many other families out there dealing with similar or worse issues who completely understand. Andrew's appointment is Friday and we look forward to exploring all his options. I thank God he has any options! He's getting old enough to start discussing how his brain works, how special he is and ways he can appreciate himself. The letters: A-D-H-D are so confusing to him at this point, but we do have to start somewhere.