Yay! I actually got the two boys' dragon capes finished this weekend. They look great, lined with black velvet, and Sky wore his all day yesterday (even outdoors). I'll be posting a picture of the boys wearing their capes soon. And so much for completing the paint on our new dining room chair rails.... the paint I tried using was very old and too runny, so I have to buy another can this week. *Sigh* I tried.The winds are blowing so hard today that a few of our old windows are howling, rattling and I see debris flying by outside. With Spring ushering in, it feels like change blowing through, clearing the way. Speaking of that, we've had quite a few harsh winds of our own come through to knock us off our feet. Ever since the decision to adopt Amelie was made, we've been hit with a swarm of situations that require us to transform old ways, look deeper at ourselves and create an even more authentic life. I'm all about "change" and usually love and crave it, but it's all been hitting so fast and hard lately, and with such seriousness.
Miraculously, Daniel has begun work toward healing a lot of serious past, childhood trauma. We thought he'd never really get there, or that it would take years to get where he's gotten in just a couple of weeks, but there seems to be a force propelling and supporting him. I have never seen him more secure and safe than I have recently....that is huge. For me, all I can say is that a negative relationship has finally begun to drop away. For years I've dealt with the negativity, judgement and discomfort of an extended family member, but I've finally begun to set clear and healthy boundaries. It's changing my ability to open up, become lighter and more of who I'm truly here to be. I don't want to explain who this person is to me because it isn't about them. It's about me, what I can get out of this, and how I can become a better person as a result of the trying situation. I have my own work to do, and that's all I can focus upon. What they do is up to them, and my happiness is not dependent upon their choices. If anything, my joy has increased because I've released myself from all desired outcomes and expectations. Life has become so effortless these days, and I had no idea how much a single connection was impacting my life all these years. The weight we carry around simply by tolerating, enabling or accepting less than acceptable behavior from others (for the sake of peace or conflict avoidance) is far greater than I ever imagined.
For some reason, the timing of all this keeps haunting me. Of all the times for Daniel and I to clear out, heal, grow and take ownership of some very old issues...it's extraordinary to us. Amelie will grace us soon, and we are going to be different people than we would have been had she entered our home the day we decided to adopt. I can't say enough about how much more carefree and empowered we are. I honestly thought our lives couldn't get any better, but apparently there is always more good to be had. For weeks I have continually asked myself "Why aren't you as stressed about this situation or that one, Christine?" Such as my kids' schedule planning, meetings or Spring Break-- there is an ease and effortlessness that has come to me as a gift. I don't feel any weight surrounding how they're all handled, how they turn out, etc. Is it that this negative presence has no voice or shadow in my mind? I don't know because I never thought it was there very much to begin with. It's something I can't overanalyze, so I'm simply basking in the glow of my own power and assertiveness. And I want Amelie to know how much we both grew before she came to us. We are all a work in progress.
Sky, our little wise man, put it so beautifully yesterday. Out of the blue he said "You know what? If we don't take care of the world outside of ourselves, we're not taking care of our inside world." He said this to Daniel on their walk together yesterday, and he was stunned by the insight and complexity. We had never stated this to him before. Sky's awareness of the fact that we even have an "inner reality" is huge for a child of 7 years. Most people don't even take notice of it, but it's something we hope all our kids understand some day. Sky elaborated later, saying that if we harm the earth or don't take care of our homes it shows we don't love ourselves, and don't care about future generations. He said "It's our job to take care of the world while we're here, and when we do that we're loving ourselves." Everything really is one big mirror. A family's home is a mirror of the collective inner life of all the family members, and the world's condition is a collective mirror of the global family's consciousness. In turn, what we see mirrored around us affects how we feel about ourselves, so it's a big cycle until we muster the courage to take responsibility and a personal inventory. i.e. My house is surfacy-clean, but open a few closets or cabinets and watch out! What does that say about me or our family? Sky must be our little Mayan Shaman... we are so blessed by his profound reminders.
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