Quiet Weekend of Disbelief

It's been a very long time since Daniel and I have had a quiet, 2 kid weekend. Sorin and Liam went to their dad's this afternoon and the house feels a little sad and empty, but at the same time we can let our shoulders down and breathe. Since Summer school let out, Liam has been temperamental and restless lately. It seems like he's climbing the walls, even though we have workers come over and take him on outings for 3 hours a day. The monotony and boredom of Summer is getting to him and I know he'll be thrilled when school starts up in August. It takes a lot out of me when Liam isn't happy....maintaining his routine is vital, and if he's not happy no one in this house is. I'm hoping he enjoys the time with his dad (he usually does). He loves adventures and outings.

The quiet has me realizing that the news of passing Court hasn't settled in. I feel kind of numb, as if it never happened and we still have months and months before we ever see Amelie. Then I have tiny moments of clarity- I FEEL and KNOW that there is a baby girl in Africa with our last name and she's adorable and perfect, and I'll hold her very soon. Emotions come up every time I taste that reality. It's going to be overwhelming to meet and hold this child who has been calling to me since the day she was born. I almost can't allow it to sink in because of how profound it is. A little at a time I will shift from uncertainty to knowing....or maybe it will hit me over the head like a huge "Aha!!!" Either way, that's when I'll be kicking into gear for travel preparations...not now while it's completely unbelievable.

Our Daughter, Amelie Lin Sosina Peebles

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We Passed!!!

We are officially parents to 5 beautiful children, including Amelie Lin Sosina Peebles who turned 10 months old today. Now we await the rest of the families who need to pass court this week so we can all be grouped together into the same Embassy date. It will be either September 7th or 14th, the 21st at the very latest. We're waiting to find out which dates are assigned to our agency. Whatever the case, we will be holding our little girl and smothering her in kisses and tickles in approximately 6-7 weeks! She is a precious little beauty with the most perfect little face, the biggest eyes, cutest button nose, and most kissable cheeks. I'll post a little slide show soon that I scrapped together with only 3 pictures of her. We are so blessed, the tears won't stop.

Court TODAY in Ethiopia

I wasn't able to mention it earlier today because I am trying SO HARD not to think about it, but now that it's July 30th, 4:30am in Ethiopia I have an inner scream that won't stop! In just hours we have court and Amelie WILL officially be a Peebles (we have every reason to be optimistic).

Daniel and I are trying to figure out how to sleep, escape reality, etc. but nothing works. Meditation is nearly impossible because of the monkey-mind's incessant worry and preoccupation. I don't watch television, but we'll try season 2, disc 3 of HBO's "Carnivale" this evening, along with a keg-load of kava tea and valerian capsules. Calming herbs, dude...what would I do without them?

Here's to hoping my next post will be confetti and balloons!

Skin Deep

Sky has been bringing up the subject of skin color a lot over the last few months, and last night when I was tucking him in bed he was complaining about his own. He started by asking me where I was born, which I have told him countless times was here in Lawrence, Kansas. When I answered him he said "No, no! I mean before that...where were you from?" I told him the only place I was before birth was in the astral realm and/or another incarnation. He kept insisting "No, no, Mommy! Where were you, like how Amelie is in Africa and I was in Guatemala?" I kept answering him until finally he felt defeated and depressed. I asked him what was wrong and he said "Well, that means I don't belong."

It's interesting to watch how kids' minds work, and how desperately they try to piece things together in a way that makes perfect sense to them. The truth is, life doesn't always make sense. At least not the way we want it to. I was able to point out that my sister, his Aunt Stephanie was born in another country (Germany)...I asked "Well, does she not belong?" He brushed over that and it didn't satisfy him, and he didn't care about the fact that both Andrew and Amelie were born in other countries. Bottom line, he felt different than his parents and he finally shared that he wishes he was the same color as Mommy and Daddy.

It never works to show pictures and tell him about President Obama's Caucasian mother and how much she loved him, and how he belonged with her despite his dark skin. It never works to point out mixed race families....he just scoffs at them and is very stubborn about what he wants. We had a strained conversation about it last evening, almost like a debate. Sky loves to contradict and argue, making people work very hard at discussions. He was very "in his head" about the whole topic, and by that I mean he didn't show much emotion about it, just intellectualization. I ended the conversation on a loving note, telling him how much I love everything about him, including his dark bronze skin color, and that I wouldn't want him any other way. None of it seemed to sink in, and then he attempted to talk about how his nose is too small and he wanted to know if he can make it bigger, like Pinocchio's. At that point I realized he was just dragging the conversation out so as not to go to bed so soon! I had to shut the door after feeling sucked in to yet another long Sky debate.

I've no doubt his feelings about disliking his skin color are real. I've seen him wince every time someone with dark skin is shown on television..he literaly tenses up his body and will cover his face. It's a big issue for Sky and it amazes me because we are so accepting of all colors in our family, we have a dark skinned guru, and we've talked about race openly with him since he was a toddler. He has embraced Amelie and Andrew with all his heart, but he always has to point out that they are darker than him, and he prides himself on being lighter. He's an extremely organized person psychologically, and everything has to fit into a category or it doesn't work for him. This is how I see it- he says we don't "match" and we need to all match, just the way his cars, stickers and super heroes are grouped into categories, he's thinking our skin has to match or we don't belong together. Absurd, I know, but until I find something superficial that makes us all alike he will continue. My dark hair and eyes aren't enough for him. We are alike in so many ways, they're not as visible to our eyes as they are to our hearts.

I welcome these types of discussions from my kids, and enjoy them. I just don't understand where his deep dislike of darker skin comes from-- is it social, cultural, built-into the psyche? Andrew brags about his skin and I'm hoping Sky doesn't ever imply anything negative about it, or Amelie's for that matter. I think we have a lot more discussions coming.

Time Flying

With Sorin walking 11 blocks to the library on her own, and Sky able to do his own showers these days (completely independent of me) I'm noticing how quickly kids grow up. Sky is also making his own lunches- PB & J with chips and fruit; he is so prideful. It won't be long before he gets out of bed to get his own cereal, helps himself to snacks, etc. and I'll have to start limiting his food intake...he can eat endlessly. Andrew isn't so quick to progress with indepence because he missed out on all of his infancy with us. The other night he asked me "Can I shrink back into a tiny kid if I don't eat?" It showed me that a lot of his aversion to food is linked to desperately wanting to be younger, resisting growth. He still needs to be babied and nurtured (to be allowed dependence in order to reach independence). All older adoptees need this.

With my awareness of how fast children grow up, I will be savoring every single moment with Amelie... I'm 41, so she is our last child; my last beautiful chance to nurture a being and watch her bloom. She will probably be one of the most documented and photographed children in history.

Just two days. Two short days until we find out whether we passed court. I got news that two families have recently passed, but two others have been assigned new court dates- this Wednesday, and one in August. Our agency director informed a family who has court Friday that we have nothing to worry about with court this week... Mainly, I am still so incredibly grateful that Court is staying open and not closing the 6th of August. A sheer miracle of timing for us, and takes a load off our minds just in case we get rescheduled. So much to be grateful for these days, no matter the outcome Thursday.

My sweet Amelie/Sosena, we are SOOOOO CLOSE!

Deja Vu

Here we are again. This countdown feels so familiar, have we been here before? Will this be the week Sosena officially becomes a Peebles? We're down to just three days until Court and the nervous butterflies are starting again. MOWA has been open since the 22nd, so hopefully our letter will be there along with every bit of information we need to pass Court. It's the final hurdle before travel and we are so ready to bring Sosena home!

Yesterday I sat for hours at an urgent care clinic because of a terrible sinus infection. I was prescribed antibiotics, two inhalers and a nasal spray. Did I mention I'm also supposed to take Mucinex, Claritin-D and Tylenol, too? Last night I was such a zombie from all the medicine that I became numb all over and fell asleep early. I remember thinking "this is how I need to feel until Thursday gets here!" Numbed out. Seriously, I'll probably be chugging barrels of kava tea both Wednesday and Thursday.

Nest Improvement

Daniel and I are still awed by the fact that our 30+ year old roof is being replaced by our insurance company. It had so much wear, staining, very old tears and holes from hail storms old and new, a leak through the fireplace, etc. but they gave us a check for the entire cost of replacement (without depreciation). We thought it only had two layers of roofing, but as they started removal yesterday there was a 3rd roof that had crumbled into soot underneath. The oldest shingles had to be 60+ years old. The house was built in 1930.

This is such a huge gift with Amelie/Sosena coming... talk about nesting! With the expense of international adoption we'd planned on putting off a new roof for at least two years, and never expected insurance to cover it. All we can figure is that someone wants Amelie to have a good roof...she is a Diva after all! We love the varied colors and curved/scalloped edges because people in the neighborhood call our home the "Gingerbread House."

The roofers are from Guatemala, so Sky has really enjoyed their presence. The owner of the business, Ishmael, has been a client of Daniel's for almost 9 years; he's bonded and insured and does excellent work. They plan to be finished with the house in just 2 days, and will complete the garage tomorrow. All the banging gave Daniel a headache yesterday, but I swear it's music to my ears because a new roof feels like a dream.

Goodbye Froggy Ma

Last night when Andrew went to bed he informed us that his stuffed animal, Froggy Mama, was very old and ill. He said she was 112 years old with a bad heart, and that she was going to the hospital tomorrow morning. He got up this morning and took her down into the basement for her "appointment" and came upstairs for some bad news. He said "The doctor put some heart medicine in her mouth, but she spit it out and died." He carried her around for a couple of hours asking about death, wondering if she was okay. He asked whether we could scatter her ashes or float them on leaves in the water. He has memories of going to a river in India after someone died (he's been talking about it since he came home two and a half years ago). He said they had flowers and there was a lot of crying. I showed him an online video of an actual Indian cremation ceremony and he decided to do the same for Froggy Mama. He's taking it all very seriously!

The benefit of doing all this seems to be that he's learning more about death and how temporary everything is (including our bodies). I explained that her spirit (the only eternal part) left her body, just like when we take our coats off. Her coat was very old and tired, so she feels much better now. He was comforted by how she looks now- "She looks so pretty and peaceful Mom." The flowers were the final touch from our yard, and after the pretend pyre is done burning he plans to scatter her ashes.

Om Namah Shivaya, Om Nama Shivaya, Om, Shanti, Amen

Basking in the Journey's Glow

Yes, I've been slacking in the blog department these days. I'll catch up if I can ever get my head out of the clouds. A mild but annoying cold has been after me while taking care of Andrew and Sky at home. Summer school ended last week. I've been walking on air, and I've no idea why. I suppose one doesn't need a reason.

We've been having enormous successes with the new points system we implemented over the weekend. Andrew has been graciously following each and every rule, and Sky has been more thoughtful with a cooler temperament. One thing I've realized through this whole ordeal is how much I love being with the two of them, and I mean ALL the time. I can't believe I'm saying that because I usually need several breaks a day, but when they're well behaved I cannot get enough of their shining, loving and gifted personalities. Daniel took Andrew to work today and I could hardly bear to be parted from him. God only knows how long this positive side of him will predominate and I want to savor every moment! He's been so affectionate, thoughtful, calm, emotionally open and helpful....not to mention extremely humorous and lighthearted (I think he's feeling better about himself these days). We're sticking to this new system until school starts, and we hope to get the new teachers cooperating with the strategy.

Liam has been the usual master of happiness. Smiles, playfulness and all around chipper energy. I was telling my mom today that he seems to be the easiest of the bunch, and that's amazing considering he has moderate-severe autism. It wasn't always that way, and I think he actually "broke me in" both as a parent, and as a human being. After all I went through in his earlier years I believe I can handle anything life throws at me. Now he just shines his light every day, and always brings smiles to Andrew and Sky's faces. When he squeals it sounds just like our tea kettle, and Sky says "Hey, tea's done!" It's very cute.

As I was posting this, Andrew got out of bed crying because he remembered the "beautiful little old lady" he met at Walgreens and was very worried about her. I told him to say a prayer for her, and reassured him that she's fine and probably doing very well. He sees elderly people as suffering, and hasn't yet realized they are often just fine like everyone else. He sees them as being close to death, and it scares him. Death terrifies him and we've been working on that. Gradually he'll be where Sky is (we hope) and feel secure in our spiritual teachings about the subject. His heart is so huge, I've no doubt he himself will grow to become a comforter for others in many, many ways.

In a nutshell, life has been amazing since last weekend...both within and around us. It's been one of those rare periods in which I see all the work and time and effort we put into our family really paying off. Motherhood is a profession that doesn't give you results instantly. It's so gradual that we often don't see them until we look way back. This week they've been sprouting out in radiant blooms and I'm basking in the glow. I don't only look for developments in my kids, I look for them in myself. That's what it's all really about anyway... our own individual journeys of growth, and how our lives shape our identities, sense of self and purpose. My kids are constantly showing me where I still have work to do on myself. I'm so grateful for that. There is a slowly developing calmness that has been growing in me over the past year, and lately it's really taking off. Much of it is being reflected back at me through my kids, and I'm digging it!

Welcome Home DeZuttis!!!

I am sooooo happy to welcome the DeZuttis back from Ethiopia! Meg and Gregg are now a family of three with their beautiful Sammy/Yeabsera/Yabby. I look forward to reading more about her month long adventure at Toukoul, and seeing photos, photos, photos of their amazing boy.

Sammy is bigger than Amelie, and if he is too skinny to wear gDiapers, it looks like Amelie will be too small for them. I'm glad to know this so we can stock up on alternate diapers until she grows into them! And unless she has a huge growth spurt between now and September, she'll be wearing size 6 month clothes as well.

Happenings

After getting through the hurdle of last week's court drama we've enjoyed some quiet time, and have set the whole adoption aside in our minds (well, as best we can). The miracle of Court not closing this year alleviates what would otherwise be a great source of anxiety right now. I'm grateful for that every day, and am still awed by the timing of it with our Court date. It's less than two weeks away now, by the way!

Meanwhile, we have enough going on here on the homefront to keep three families busy. The primary challenge has been Andrew's recent need to oppose or do the complete opposite of what he's told to. This issue has come up off and on since Spring, but has recently escalated. We tell him "Don't throw the toys" and he quietly, and without any verbal or facial defiance will throw them. It's a passive, gentle defiance without argument or anger expressed. We tell him to hang up his bath towel, he sweetly says "Okay" and walks to his room only to leave it there and make more of a mess. We tell him to fold his laundry only to discover he has tossed it all on the top shelf of his closet. The list is endless, and lately has lasted all day. He spends time on a "time out" stool in the front hallway, we have sent him to bed early, removed priviledges, etc. We've tried everything to no avail. What does a parent do when consequences don't affect a child? He has told us "I'm TRYING to get into trouble, so I'm happy about it. What I'm doing is working!" and "Can I sit in time-out longer?" or smiles "Maybe you can send me to bed early tonight." It all gives him a sense of control (after the 7 years of zero control he had in India I'm sure it's empowering in an unhealthy way).

So, today we've implemented a new "points system" for both Andrew and Sky so they can earn points toward small daily prizes, like candy, tattoos and gum, and then bigger prizes like what we have in the "Goody Bag." It's full of things like a robot alarm clock, large calculator, a magnifying lens set, large snacks (appeals to Sky), large sticker sheets, bags, stuffed animals, toy cars, stamp sets, and other enticing items. When I showed them to Andrew this moring he was completely awed as if he was gazing at a bag full of diamonds! It takes so little to lure a child into the sense of magic and wonder required to make the bribery work... we have a checklist for both of them with Morning, Afternoon, and Evening "to-do's" and required behaviors. They earn a point for completing each one for a total of 30 points per day. We have a line for Extra Credit if they spend 5 minutes or more in meditation or perfrm some type of outstanding act of kindness. A parents fills it out andsigns it daily, and theform is used like money in exchange for goodies. Most items in the bag require 200-300 points, but they will earn a daily treat in the smaller bag just for having a minumum of 25 points that day. Andrew vowed his morning "I will never, ever, ever sit in time-out again, Mom. I am doing everything on this list and I think you are marvelous Mommy for thinking of this for us. Thank you!" He's so grateful now, but we'll see how it goes. We've tried systems similar in the past and Andrew gets bored with them, or gives up saying "Oh, I can't do it...forget it. Sky can have everything."

We're hoping Andrew has some successes through self-control, and realizes he'll be much more happy and fulfilled by following rules because he gets tangible results that are positive. It feels like we're breaking an old pattern he started in India- I Desperately need attention and control, the only way to get them is to be naughty, I am naughty so this must be he only way to get it, look how upset they (the grown ups get), itmakes me feel powerful, see how this works? It's predictable and I feel safe that way, I'm getting exactly what I want and it reinforces my need to affirm that I'm bad so I'm smiling. We're re-wiring old thoughts and behaviors so it's going to take more than just a few toys and bribes, but we have to start somewhere.

New Court Date

We received the news today that we were reassigned the court date of July 30th! That's just 2 weeks and 2 days away. This is a huge relief, as MOWA will be open and we'll have our letter from them. Hopefully we pass court that day, and we travel in September as originally planned. We're still awaiting confirmation that Court is NOT closing this year. This news will positively affect so many families awaiting referrals and court dates.

I can't stop grinning today. After so many days of uncertainty, we are filled with immense gratitude. We will be sitting with our whole family in gratitude this evening, giving thanks for a new chance in court. And my nesting instict is stirring and starting to wake up again... time to get busy for Amelie!

No Court Closure

I awoke to news that Ethiopia won't be closing court this year. However, this hasn't been confirmed by our agency, so I'm hesitant to fully cheer about it. The news was officially announced by another much larger agency as of yesterday, so I'm VERY optimistic at this point. Even if we don't pass court it would set us back minimally with courts staying open. No October/November travel to wrap our minds around.... we're SO hopeful today, and will post as soon as we hear how court went.
Here is a link to some news that may be helpful to other families.

Letting Go

Well, here we are. 1 day until court, and still no information to alleviate our worries. 1 day from cheering or disappointment. We spoke with our agency director and, so far, no letters have been acquired from MOWA. We were told our attorney is still trying, and if he doesn't succeed he will plead our case in court and at least try to get us a new court date that is prior to August 6th (court closure) so that when MOWA re-opens on the 23rd we can get the letter. I'd imagine the courts want to wrap up outstanding cases prior to a two month closure, and I trust they will attempt to hear as many cases as they can in the next few weeks.

It's all kind of surreal to us at this point. I've had many moments in which I have been able to transcend this whole drama, and witness it from a distance. It's like a movie...a suspensful one, but not exactly real. When tomorrow's news comes and passes I'm hoping to have that same ability, no matter what the outcome. My outer state does not dictate my inner one... it doesn't have to. I know everything that can be done in Ethiopia is being done, and I can't expect anything else. It's in the hands of God, the Universe, the Great Spirit, Divine Mother... Thy will be done.

Hanging In There

2 days to court.

It's been a few days of mild to severe agony, but I've come to accept that we have no control over the outcome, and that whatever is to be will be. This doesn't mean bad news won't be diffcult, but it won't kill me or Amelie. It won't mean she's not coming home, just that she's coming home 2 months later than previously expected. I'm hoping to remain in this more accepting state as we await any shred of news tomorrow. It could very easily go either way, and we're hoping to hear something tomorrow about the MOWA letters that so many families need to pass court this week. I have a great deal of faith in the abilities of our agency and the attorney working for us in Addis. Our director was contacted yesterday about the status of the letters and he simply said he couldn't discuss it, and that we'd know something by Monday. No news was actually good news....

Daniel and I are spending this evening in meditation, focusing purely on this situation for all involved, and hope to gather personal strength. The kids all know what's going on and they seem concerned, but are handling it all so well... they're so much more 'in the moment' than adults are. They're great teachers that way.

Quiet Family Vigil

I have been connecting more deeply with an inner source of comfort these days, and I am reminded of how wealthy I am to have that...it is the most true form of wealth I have ever known. Our guru's teachings and my personal relationship with him have sustained me through so much and I know I can handle anything because of it.

We should be ecstatic and cheering about the idea of just 4 days until court. Instead we are experiencing the agonizing "unknown." It's a scary sort of limbo until we hear something certain from our agency. They are doing everything possible to ensure we either get through court with our MOWA letter Tuesday, or at least get assigned a court date that is before the court closure which begins August 6th and lasts two months. If we get assigned a new court date after the closure we won't see Amelie until November. Anything could happen- one of three outcomes 1) get through court Tuesday, 2) get assigned a new court date before closure, or 3) get assigned a new court date for October. Two out of three hopeful possibilities isn't bad.... with all of them we will have Amelie home this year.

We're holding a quiet tone in our home today and all through the weekend, lighting candles on our altar and next to Amelie's picture, setting statues of Ganesha around the house (the elephant diety representing removal of obstacles), praying and praying and praying while breathing and trying to let go. I pray for the best possible outcome for all involved....this includes all families needing to pass court prior to closure, all the people at the orphanage who work so hard to take care of and place our children, all the court staff, the hard working people at MOWA, our agency director, our Ethiopian attorney, and the waiting children. We'll be praying for the strength to handle and accept any outcome with grace. I'll admit this is very hard to do...to prepare for something so deeply disappointing. The idea of not seeing Amelie learn to walk, start teething, etc. The idea of bringing home a toddler instead of an infant requires a major shift. We're not giving up our hope and optimism. Andrew is sitting in prayerful chant now, singing "Om Namo Bagavate Vasudevaya" for Amelie, knowing he will hold her...whether it's in two or four months he knows she will be here no matter the outcome. In a simplified nutshell, the chant means "Thy will be done, not mine."

Mama's Brag Time

Latest note from Andrew's Summer school teacher:

"Andrew is doing amazing at summer school! He is a ray of sunshine and always willing to help out! He is truly a unique special boy and I am so glad that I have had the opportunity to work with him this summer! I just see so much potential inside of him! I predict he will do great things some day!"

The picture was taken at Andrew's optometrist appointment yesterday. He's excited to be getting some new, blue specs.

5 Days and Counting...

We have a mere 5 days until our court date and we should be biting our nails down. I feel pretty calm about it, overall, but there are times I wish I stayed off adoption boards. The Ministry of Women and Children (MOWA) supposedly closed yesterday for 1.5 weeks for training, or is it until August? I've heard both, and the whole thing is heresay from other parents, agencies, boards, etc. I don't like getting my panties in a bunch over things we read on the web. Our program director has said it's not confirmed, and it won't be until he's heard directly from MOWA. How would this even affect our case if it's true, you ask? Well, very little as long as our MOWA letter was submitted to the court. We'll find out in 5 days. I'm trusting they wouldn't shut their doors and leave several weeks worth of families hanging in court without their letters (if they are really closed). Either way, I do trust this process and know we'll have Amelie in our arms at the right and perfect time. I continue to cheer at the strong prospect of getting through court Tuesday!

Coming Soon: I've put together a slideshow/montage with Amelie's pictures and our little story up until now. It will be posted once we pass court and she can finally make her internet debut!

Amelie's All Packed

It may seem a bit premature since we don't leave for about 2 months, but since we're also going to have to pack for ourselves, Sky's trip to my sister's, Liam and Sorin's to their dad's, not to mention all the paperwork we'll have to complete once we know our Embassy date, I felt compelled to pack for Amelie. She is, after all, the most high-maintenance one of us all. School starts back up on August 13th (early this year!) and I'll soon have "back to school" shopping on my mind, too. If I look at everything at once it seems impossible, so I take it one little step at a time. It feels great to have Amelie's clothes washed and packed with her bottles, snacks, toys, teething medicines, etc. There's even a hidden compartment under her rolling duffel bag that has 80 diapers inside...sneaky! We'll probably fill it with souvenirs when we come back.

And Her Car Seat...

Daniel and I were out together yesterday comparing various formulas. The ingredients in some brands had us a bit confused (pure sugar/sucrose in several), so we finally settled on Earth's Best organic soy which is sold at our local Co-Op along with her Earth friendly diapers. While researching, we came across a car seat at Target that was on sale. Granted, I didn't care for the loud pink color, but we liked the style and price. Daniel thinks Amelie will probably like it. I installed it yesterday and took a picture of our stickers on the back of the family bus.

Nesting Mania Has Begun

It's suddenly become whopper of a week and I can hardly find time to post. Sky attends an all day Summer camp while Drew and Liam attend school in the mornings. Sorin has an afternoon job she goes to Monday through Friday, so you'd think I'd have some time to rest. Instead I've been overwhelmed by an INTENSE nesting desire, and I've gotten all Amelie's compostable/flushable & cloth insert gDiapers stocked up, the diaper bag filled up for the trip (with clothes, toys, diapers, formula- Earth's Best: Soy, bottles, snacks, etc), baby-proofed the outlets in the house, and her luggage is completely packed! Seriously, it feels like I've shifted gears to the point of hyperfocused obsession...getting everything done for Amelie's homecoming is my only objective these days. It feels like my energy level is endless, and I'm on a mission. And it's LESS than a week until she's officially a Peebles!

Down to Nine!

Just 9 days until court!

When I got up this morning and looked at Amelie's new picture I became overwhelmed in tears. Her sweet face has imprinted on my heart, and the fact that I can't hold and comfort her yet is becoming more difficult. There is a deep joy in knowing she will be here so soon, though. I think the tears were a mixture of both joy and sadness. I keep waking up with the physical sensation of having held her tiny body in my arms. I'm so grateful for that. Daniel had a dream about her last week- one in which he and I were in a waitng room, waiting for her to meet us and I had to leave and use the restroom. Because of this, he was able to hold her for the first time alone. He talks a lot about how he felt very connected to her on a spiritual level. Anyway, as beautiful as that dream sounds, I don't think I will be stepping out to use the restroom when that special time comes!

There are two designated Embassy dates assigned to our agency that we could get after passing court- either August 24th or September 7th. Either way, the fact is that we are traveling in less than two months to bring our sweetie home!

Down to 10!

We're down to just 10 days until Amelie is officially a Peebles! This photo's perspective really makes me laugh...when I gaze at it a their hands looks much larger than life. And yes, those are Andrew's long "fiddly fingers" that get in to EVERYTHING!

Andrew's Song to Amelie

After opening Amelie's new picture on the computer yesterday, Andrew reacted the same way as he did with the first picture. He almost blushes (face looks down, bashful and covering face), then he looks at me with tears welled up in his eyes. He did this yesterday, but then walked over to her photo on our fireplace mantel, sat on a small stool and started singing to her. He turned around in the middle of the song asking "Mom, is it okay if I sing to Amelie now?" It was so touching as he started singing a song we have on a recording by Janaka with the lyrics "Looking in the Eyes of an Angel." If you visit the link, click the song "Eyes Divine" for a small sample. The song is about what it was like for him seeing our guru's picture for the first time, but for Andrew it held special meaning for his sister yesterday. He adores her already, and has shared with me that he's completely terrified of how much he's going to love her when she gets home. He said "I'm afraid I'm going to start crying when I first meet her. I won't know what to do." I told him I will probably cry, too, and it's perfectly fine. She's family, we love her and she's been away from us too long already. Of course we can cry!

Update Received!

Amelie has grown so much! Mostly she looks a lot older in the face. She's still under 15 pounds (14.8) but has gained .6 lbs. since the referral. Her head circumference is 1 centimeter larger, and she has grown almost 1 inch in height. She's passing objects from one hand to the other, has started babbling, and is eating a lot of supplementary porridge in addition to three bottles of formula a day. Her giardia test was negative (yay!) She looks very healthy, and even has some 'chub' on her thighs.

Liam's Adventure

Last weekend while we were in Chicago with Andrew and Sky, Liam and Sorin were having their own adventures. Sorin was in Oklahoma enjoying a teen Unity Rally while Liam went to the Ozarks with his dad. This picture still amazes me....Liam on a jet ski! He barely hung on, but I'm told he loved every minute of it. He seems most at home in the water, and on anything that is moving.

Countdown To Court

We're down to just 12 days until our little Amelie Lin Sosena is officially a Peebles! I love the number 12. The kids are starting to count down with us. By the 4th of July we'll start counting on our fingers (or our toes)!

The Wild See Saw

We're cheering and screaming all at the same time here. As of today we have UNDER 2 weeks until Amelie's court date... that's just 1 week and six days!!! Unbelievable. A week ago we were beginning to think our court date would be drawn out at least another month. We're ecstatic! On the other hand, we haven't had one update on Amelie since referral. Her info was taken on May 1st, so it's 2 month old information. She has surely grown and developed and changed by now. Babies change so quickly at this age. As of this afternoon there are still no photos, no information. This is not typical for Toukoul because updates have always been sent regularly, by the end of every month. Many families are perplexed about what is going on, and we're in agony together! So, our family waffles from ecstatic cheers to frustrated confusion....back and forth. Let's pray my next post is filled with new details about our little girl.