Dazed in Joy

After getting the baby girl I'm caring for to take a nap, I'm sitting and enjoying some Vivaldi violin music and tea with my two dogs. The light outside is dim and grey, as clouds keep gathering and moving out only for a few seconds of hazy, but appreciated sunlight. My 15 pound cat takes up the whole foot stool while he's napping, so I can't offer my feet any rest. I'm just grateful for the peace and stillness all around and within me this morning. There are days I wake up and sense that everything is exactly as it should be. I love and accept everything as it is and a wave of joy washes over me. My heart skips a beat and a rush of excitement stimulates my entire body. I woke up like that today, and keep feeling that awareness this morning. It results in an overwhelming sense of peace and calmness that is the very proof of God's existence for me.

It's not a joy derived from my external surroundings or circumstances, but it is supported by them. It comes from a lack of desired outcomes, zero expectations and an openness to anything being possible at every moment. I don't judge anything as good or bad, and see every moment as an opportunity to give or receive love; to learn and become a better person. I hunger for little, desire the least amount of material obligations and seek beauty everywhere. I crave wisdom and truths spoken or written in ways I haven't heard them before, so I listen, read and wander along this road that is mine alone.

Did someone spike my tea? No. I've been meditating more.

Embracing DisOrganization

"First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination." --Napoleon Hill


New & Unfinished Projects:

• Tile the floor in the basement breezeway leading to the playroom (with the tiles we purchased over two years ago
• Clean and organize the basement storage room
• Finish the last few painted wall stripes in the corner of the kitchen
• Finish painting the new chair rail in the dining room
• Finish the green paint around the window in the Master bedroom's dormer
• Hang the rest of Liam's pictures since his move to the downstairs bedroom
• Replacing the pickets on the backyard gate that Emily (our dog) destroyed
• Repair loose pickets in the front yard
• Finish touching up paint that was peeling off South side of house
• Change the basement homeschooling room into a wild and fun Art Studio for Andrew and I
• Have the roof repaired before all the shingles blow off the East side
• Hang up the three smoke detectors that fell down 3-4 months ago
• Design and create the heirloom quilts I always wanted to for both Andrew and Sky
• Get our huge Walnut tree pruned before it damages someones car or falls on the roof
• Paint the accent wall around the fireplace to finally match the decor (pink with red stars just doesn't cut it in here)
• Finish cleaning and organizing all the closets in the house
• Finish fixing up the old playhouse in the back yard
• Finish planting the shade garden I started in the front yard
• Install the antique flower box under the living room window (I purchased and painted it last Fall)
• Finish the Life Books I started for Andrew and Sky over 2 years ago
• Finish the Waldorf Star Baby doll I'm making for Amelie
• Finally replace the light fixture Sky and Andrew smashed and broke over a year ago
• Replace the glass Sky broke on one of his small window panes three months ago
• Finish the book I started about my journey with parenthood and adoption
• Get organized

Okay- that is a partial list, but I have to stop there. It wears me out just thinking about everything. I don't make lists and it appears I should. I made this one in an attempt to get clear on how severe my "unfinished project" disease is. I have a calendar, but only look at it a couple of times a week. Focus and self-discipline are not my strengths, but I'm improving, believe it or not. I'm happy to have so many things to occupy my mind while we wait for Amelie. Now, where do I start and where is the time?! God help me and the entire family during this time of nesting fanaticism.

Loved this quote from another mama...

"A creative mess is better than tidy idleness." --unknown

Techno Crazy

I must be old. That, or I just don't get it. At 41 I've hit my very first, surprising disagreement with my 7 and 9 year old sons about whether or not something they like and enjoy has value. I'm not sure if "value" is the word here. I value anything they enjoy, and do my best to wrap my mind around their perspective. I'm very good at putting myself in other people's shoes and it has helped me immensely with my children. Even though I don't enjoy most sporting events, I find something positive I can enjoy about it because I can see and feel what they are gaining from it.

My 9 year old, Andrew, kept asking me to sign into a certain website all weekend. He described it as "musical" and "so completely awesome". He was in awe, describing it in a way I found entertaining. My curiosity peaked by this morning, so I signed in. It's called "Animusic" and I know very little about it (I may be missing something that really does make it more awesome than anything imaginable). It's apparently a series of DVD's that can be ordered with music and animation that looks extremely space-age and robotic in nature. There are faceless, robotic forms playing various instruments, and I could only find myself holding attention for a minute or less.

I guess it's a personal preference thing, but I'd much rather watch a human being play those instruments, and that they be real instruments, not cartoons. The human element is lacking for me, and I think it's extremely important for children to have that in this age of computer & video technology. I said this to Andrew, and he replied "So, you don't like it, do you?!" He seemed disappointed, and I reiterated "I prefer human beings to cartoon machines." Maybe I'm a fuddy duddy, and it's just a way of getting children interested in music. I applaud and support that all the way. I just get concerned with all the impersonal stuff (video games, iPods, computers, cell phones, texting, etc) and I view music as one of the most beautiful, human, emotional, fluid and authentic things left. In my view, those videos place a cold and artificial quality to music. The music teacher at school introduced it to them, so there must be some sort of educational value I'm not seeing in my minute or less of viewing. I'm almost sure there is.

I'm not going to be one of those foagies who sits around complaining about this "modern world" and the youth of today. I won't let my kids see me that way (if I can help it), so I'm delicate in how I speak to them, and analyze my perspectives carefully. I think this is only the beginning of a clear, generational difference that I have with my kids and I will have to work at trying to slip myself into their time and age. It is completely different than my day when cable television, answering machines, and simple Atari games were the latest technological craze. We spent so much more time outside, talking to one another, engaging in imaginitive play and creating our own music while our parents played some awesome albums on their record players.

This is why we will never own a video game, and we keep our one family television in the basement for rare viewing. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, except to say that I dread the day when our kids see us as living in the dark ages instead of authentic and more natural, personal human beings. Andrew wanted to purchase an iDog with his birthday money, but when I took him to the store and played with it I just couldn't allow it. Boring, brainless, noisy, he'd easily and quickly tire of it, and probably take the whole plastic klunky thing apart after two measely hours! We're hoping they see the benefits of watching real musicians (preferrably in person), having human 1:1 conversations and time to reflect on life without all the modern distractions of today. I guess that strange website got me thinking a little too much...relax, Christine.

Indian Tomato Soup Recipe

After a couple of requests, here is the delicious soup recipe.

Indian Spiced Chickpea & Fire-Roasted Tomato Soup
Serves 4

• 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
• 2-4 cloves of garlic (suited to taste)
• 2 cans chickpeas, drained
• 1 small onion, coarsely chopped
• 2 tsp. ground cumin (2/3 palmful)
• 1/2 tsp. ground cardamom
• 1/2 tsp. turmeric
• Salt & Pepper
• 2 cups chicken or vegetable stock
• 1 can fire roasted tomatoes
• 1 cup plain yogurt
• Warm pita, any flavor or variety, lightly toasted

Preparation

Heat a medium pot with extra virgin olive oil over medium heat. Add garlic and cook 2-3 minutes. Grind the chickpeas and onion in a food processor. Add to pot and cook 5 minutes to sweeten onion. Season the chickpea mixture with cumin, cardamom, turmeric, salt and pepper. Adjust spices as desired. Stir in stock, then tomatoes (with the juice). Simmer soup 5-10 minutes to combine flavors.

Serve with a dollop of plain yogurt and warm pita for dipping. Add cooling, ground cucumber to yogurt, if desired.

Toothless Corn Nibbler

I prepared a new recipe for dinner this evening called "Indian Chick Pea & Fire-Roasted Tomato Soup" and it called for a side of toasted pita bread with cucumber-yogurt sauce. Deeeeelicious! The soup was vegan, so it was perfect for Daniel, but I oddly found myself craving corn on the cobb so I threw that into the meal. It was Andrew's first time eating it on the cobb like that, so he was puzzled initially. One bite and he was drooling, and then begging for another one. It hadn't occured to me that Sky just lost his two front teeth (a huge hole there with no new teeth in sight!) and may have a hard time eating it. As soon as he saw it, he said "I won't be able to eat this, Mom. Look at my mouth!" I started laughing and encouraged him to use whatever teeth he had left. Well, with his will power surrounding food he was finally able to consume two buttery, baby ears (it just took more time than everyone else). I couldn't believe all the cheers and moans of ecstasy at the table tonight....the whole meal was a hit.

Capers

Finally we have a picture of the dragon capes I made for Andrew and Sky last weekend. It's blurry because it was taken in a dim hallway with Daniel's iPhone, but you get the idea. They're quite long, reversible, and lined with heavy black velvet. They often wear them to bed at night. Oh- and Sky lost his 2nd front tooth today at school...he has a large empty gap now and says he was trying to look like the baby, Cecilia, we care for on weekdays (whatever that means). Maybe it means that he looks like he's "all gums!"

Intercultural Sensitivity

I found the information below very interesting food for thought. It's great information for transcultural families and extended family, but it also benefits anyone from any background to be aware of these stages. I admit that being a privileged Caucasian I haven't had to place much thought in this area most of my life. Having kids of varying races and cultural backgrounds has opened my eyes in so many ways, but I still have so much to learn. I think we all do, really. The following came from Valarie Washington, an African American who moderates a list for Culturally Fluent Families. It describes the ways in which transcultural families will need to grow to help their children develop secure identities.

The Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity (DMIS): Explains how people or groups tend to think and feel about cultural difference. Since DMIS indicates what a person sees and thinks, it also suggests what they do not see or think. The six stages of DMIS, illustrated below, represent a set of perspectives with successively greater ability to understand and have a more complete experience of cultural difference.

Characteristics:

Denial. Being comfortable with the familiar. Not anxious to complicate life with "cultural differences". Not noticing much cultural difference around you. Maintaining separation from others who are different.

Defense. A strong commitment to one's own thoughts and feelings about culture and cultural difference. Some distrust of cultural behavior or ideas that differ from one's own. Aware of other cultures around you, but with a relatively incomplete understanding of them and probably fairly strong negative feelings or stereotypes about some of them.Reversal is the opposite of Defense. The person feels that some other culture is better and tends to exhibit distrust of their own culture.

Minimization. People from other cultures are pretty much like you, under the surface. Awareness that other cultures exist all around you, with some knowledge about differences in customs and celebrations. Not putting down other cultures. Treating other people as you would like to be treated.

Acceptance. Aware of your own culture(s). See your own culture as just one of many ways of experiencing the world. Understanding that people from other cultures are as complex as yourself. Their ideas, feelings, and behavior may seem unusual, but you realize that their experience is just as rich as your own. Being curious about other cultures. Seeking opportunities to learn more about them.

Adaptation. Recognizing the value of having more than one cultural perspective available to you. Able to "take the perspective" of another culture to understand or evaluate situations in either your own or another culture. Able to intentionally change your culturally based behavior to act in culturally appropriate ways outside your own culture.

Integration. To varying extents, have integrated more than one cultural perspective, mindset, and behavior into one's identity and worldview. Able to move easily among cultures.

The first three stages are considered "ethnocentric" in that one's own culture is seen as the only culture or to varying extents the "better" culture.

The last three stages are considered "ethnorelative" in that one's own culture is seen as equal among many other cultures.

The ethnorelative stages are characterized by a positive mindset about cultural difference. These stages are indicative of a person who will tend to make more inclusive decisions and actively seek to build a diverse workforce and an inclusive work environment.

3rd Week, Waiting & Waiting

Today marks 3 weeks since we sent off our dossier. Daniel spoke to the agency director on Monday and it was confirmed that our paperwork reached their office in Addis Ababa on March 19th. It's only a matter of time until they find the perfect match for our family. We keep wondering about Amelie now, if she's at Toukoul orphanage, if she's been surrendered by her birth family yet or found abandoned somewhere, how old she is, etc. I keep getting impressions that she's a toddler, but those could be glimpses into the future. I keep seeing her spiral curls, bright smile and hearing a little girl's laughter. There is no doubt she is going to be a ham (like all our kids) and we keep wondering what quirks she'll have that make us laugh every day.

I'm usually a very patient, "go with the flow" type of person. I tend to trust that all things will unfold in perfect timing (as they always have in the past), but I'm having an unusual 'bout of impatience today. I found Amelie a little sun bonnet today and can't seem to put it down for long... I keep looking at items she needs, such as blankets, bedding, dolls, toys, sippy cups, etc. I find myself striving to make her more tangible and real by acquiring or creating these little material things. She's a foggy 'idea' right now, but at the same time I can feel her presence so strongly. If I were physically pregnant I'd have a sonogram, hear her heart beat, or feel her kicking inside me to physically know that she's real. Instead, I have to wait and wait for her photo. When I finally see her face it will probably explain many things that are haunting me these days, including the deep eyes that keep looking at me. How many more weeks will it be? I wish we knew. For now, it's time for me to dive into a few diversionary projects!

O' Life is Sweet & Death a Dream

For memory's sake, I have to post about a conversation we had at dinner last evening.

During yesterday's morning recess, the 1st and 2nd graders all went outside to find a dead bird lying on the blacktop. Andrew first told me about it when we were walking home from school, and he was quite graphic about how it looked and he seemed upset. By dinner time, Sky brought up the subject, but with a very different outlook. Andrew started talking again about the details, how sad he was for the bird and that he was upset his teacher picked it up with gloves and threw it into a trash can. He expressed a healthy sadness that the bird had died.

I stepped in saying, "No, Andrew, the bird didn't die. He just needed to take off his clothes." There was a silence at the table, and Sky grinned at me. He said "Yeah, that's true. He took it off because he didn't need it any more. It may have been old or sick."

Andrew seemed confused and curious. Being Yogic/Eastern in our spiritual beliefs, we often talk about reincarnation so that wasn't confusing to him. I think the idea of a body being equated with clothing was somewhat new to him. He looked at me asking "But when he took off his clothes, what was left?" I had to explain that his spirit was free and could go anywhere and do anything; that he was happy. Sky supposed that his spirit is lying inside of an egg somewhere in a new bird's nest, waiting to hatch again, and that the bird didn't care what the teacher did with his old coat. He rejoiced "That bird will soon have a brand new coat, Mommy!" and Daniel said, "Yes, and he's coming back again because he has more work to do. We are all here because we have work to do." Amen to that!

This turned the whole idea of death into a joyous one, and this morning they were talking to each other about whether or not the bird is about to hatch soon. Sky said "The bird is in a cycle, just like everything else; the seasons, the days, the years." Like the ancient sages, he's already seeing how natural it is, and that death is indeed a dream. Nothing has been more comforting to our children than this awareness.

Pull Close or Get Me Outa Here?!

Okay, I admit it. Kids can be just plain annoying and difficult to be around. I don't idealize motherhood as if it's all pie and cherries, so I can admit there are times I just want to get as far away as possible from one or all of my kids. Of course, I feel terribly about this when it happens because kids are so intuitive. They don't need to be told by word or body language that you are repulsed, repelled, etc. They just know it because they can feel it on a more subtle, intuitive level. Because of this, I have been watching myself very closely. When I get annoyed or irritated with someone's attitude or behavior I try telling them in as calm a voice as possible "Okay, I need my space to rest and relax now." If Daniel is home I will then proceed to leave the room, or even the house for solitude, breathing, meditation, or whatever I need.

The problem with this has been that my adopted children take it as meaning I do not want to be around them because they annoy me, so I don't like them. Andrew verbalized this to me once on a vacation in Colorado. I asked him to sleep with me one night in the hotel and he didn't want to (I was shocked). I asked him why and he became very quiet, saying "Sometimes I just feel like you don't like me, mom." My heart dropped into my stomach and at that moment I realized that something was wrong.... Something was very wrong with how I was handling his annoying, impulsive, cranky, irritable moments, and he took it very personally. That was last Summer, and I've been sensitive to it and trying to figure out a new approach for months. Adopted children, especially the ones who come home later like Andrew, need to be pulled close during times of difficulty. For attachment and security he needs to know my love is unconditional. Regular, mainstream parenting doesn't cut it.

For Amelie's adoption we were required to watch hours of lectures about this, and my eyes opened even more. Most people cannot understand this, but older adopted kids should not be placed in isolation or time-outs and simply cannot be parented the way most children are. The approches required make my brain bend, and confuse me. When they're cranky, tantruming, having the worst of moments we're supposed to attach them to us- i.e. have them hold our belt loop and walk with us around the house, or sit with us. The bottom line is they need to be in our aura, so to speak, when they are feeling their worst.

This has been the biggest challenge to me with both Andrew and Sky. I have the kind of personality where if someone is yelling at me, or being less than pleasant I put up thick boundaries to protect my own personal peace and sanity. I guard myself well. This has resulted in me either leaving the room, or not talking to them at all until they "turn it around." I have continually tried pushing through my feelings of "disgust", "irritation", and even "repulsion" and it is so, so difficult. Well, I made a breakthrough this morning and thought I'd share it.

Andrew was extremely moody and irritable this morning. When he's like that, it's as if everyone is his enemy and no matter what we do, it's wrong and unacceptable to him. He complained non-stop in a heavy and depressed way at breakfast. I tried to cheer him up, but he got angry with me. I could feel my nerves start quivering, then the annoyance came at his self-pity and victim mentality (I have little tolerance for this, even from children who have been victimized in the past) and I could feel myself wanting to get away from him fast, or worse- lowering to his level for an argument. I took a very deep breath, picked up my warm, comforting tea and sternly told him I wasn't going to talk to him any more until he could show respect and kindness. I then forced out of my mouth, against my will "I love you, and I just want you to be the happy, loving and positive person I know you are, Andrew." I then walked by him and around the corner where he couldn't see me. I sat on the sofa while he ate his breakfast, out of sight. Even though I said those words, I wanted so desperately to run away, or send him some place else to decompress.

I sat there and realized my hiding on the sofa was a mistake....sitting alone, away from him when he's upset (even if he was being unpleasant). I still felt extremely annoyed, irritated, etc., and I couldn't believe I had it in me to say "I love you" when I felt that way. I knew, according to the lectures, that I should be sitting with him at the table. I knew I should do that even though his head was down, he was whining and angry, and unpleasant. But I didn't want to be anywhere near that! I forced myself through it, walked over to the table and "faked" a sweet and kind voice and said "Oh, Andrew you are eating your food so well this morning. Good job." He often has trouble eating, and I hoped something postive would shift the whole situation- me sitting with him and giving a compliment. I noticed my whole body relaxing because I'd chosen love. He looked into my eyes with a softness and said "Mom, I think I don't have those bad feelings any more. Thank you for sitting with me." The rest of the morning was a huge success for both of us. He was joyful, loving, calm and positive and I was completely out of the old negative state.

This is called "Pull Close Parenting" and it's supposed to be the most effective thing with older adopted children. I know it works, but good grief is it tough! It really pays off to set my own feelings aside. I am the adult, the one with more self-control and the where with all to know better than to get sucked in, affected and engaged. I have to choose love at every moment. It's a huge challenge, but I need to pat myself on the back and pray that next time I don't go running the other direction. Andrew was so loving with me after that, and I was almost in tears about the agitation and disgust I'd felt about his behavior. He's doing the best he can and he just needs to know I'm here for him and that I still love him, no matter what. I never would have guessed it would be so hard to let my guard down with children, but we all have work to do, and children are our greatest teachers. Baby steps...

Sorin's New Wheels

Sorin got an old fashioned pink Schwinn bicycle on Saturday. She's very excited about riding it on sidewalks so she can be more independent. She is too nervous and trepedatious about street cycling, so we'll see how she does that way. We'd all like to start using our bikes more because we live so close to shops and parks.

From Dragon Capes to Shamanic Children

Yay! I actually got the two boys' dragon capes finished this weekend. They look great, lined with black velvet, and Sky wore his all day yesterday (even outdoors). I'll be posting a picture of the boys wearing their capes soon. And so much for completing the paint on our new dining room chair rails.... the paint I tried using was very old and too runny, so I have to buy another can this week. *Sigh* I tried.

The winds are blowing so hard today that a few of our old windows are howling, rattling and I see debris flying by outside. With Spring ushering in, it feels like change blowing through, clearing the way. Speaking of that, we've had quite a few harsh winds of our own come through to knock us off our feet. Ever since the decision to adopt Amelie was made, we've been hit with a swarm of situations that require us to transform old ways, look deeper at ourselves and create an even more authentic life. I'm all about "change" and usually love and crave it, but it's all been hitting so fast and hard lately, and with such seriousness.

Miraculously, Daniel has begun work toward healing a lot of serious past, childhood trauma. We thought he'd never really get there, or that it would take years to get where he's gotten in just a couple of weeks, but there seems to be a force propelling and supporting him. I have never seen him more secure and safe than I have recently....that is huge. For me, all I can say is that a negative relationship has finally begun to drop away. For years I've dealt with the negativity, judgement and discomfort of an extended family member, but I've finally begun to set clear and healthy boundaries. It's changing my ability to open up, become lighter and more of who I'm truly here to be. I don't want to explain who this person is to me because it isn't about them. It's about me, what I can get out of this, and how I can become a better person as a result of the trying situation. I have my own work to do, and that's all I can focus upon. What they do is up to them, and my happiness is not dependent upon their choices. If anything, my joy has increased because I've released myself from all desired outcomes and expectations. Life has become so effortless these days, and I had no idea how much a single connection was impacting my life all these years. The weight we carry around simply by tolerating, enabling or accepting less than acceptable behavior from others (for the sake of peace or conflict avoidance) is far greater than I ever imagined.

For some reason, the timing of all this keeps haunting me. Of all the times for Daniel and I to clear out, heal, grow and take ownership of some very old issues...it's extraordinary to us. Amelie will grace us soon, and we are going to be different people than we would have been had she entered our home the day we decided to adopt. I can't say enough about how much more carefree and empowered we are. I honestly thought our lives couldn't get any better, but apparently there is always more good to be had. For weeks I have continually asked myself "Why aren't you as stressed about this situation or that one, Christine?" Such as my kids' schedule planning, meetings or Spring Break-- there is an ease and effortlessness that has come to me as a gift. I don't feel any weight surrounding how they're all handled, how they turn out, etc. Is it that this negative presence has no voice or shadow in my mind? I don't know because I never thought it was there very much to begin with. It's something I can't overanalyze, so I'm simply basking in the glow of my own power and assertiveness. And I want Amelie to know how much we both grew before she came to us. We are all a work in progress.

Sky, our little wise man, put it so beautifully yesterday. Out of the blue he said "You know what? If we don't take care of the world outside of ourselves, we're not taking care of our inside world." He said this to Daniel on their walk together yesterday, and he was stunned by the insight and complexity. We had never stated this to him before. Sky's awareness of the fact that we even have an "inner reality" is huge for a child of 7 years. Most people don't even take notice of it, but it's something we hope all our kids understand some day. Sky elaborated later, saying that if we harm the earth or don't take care of our homes it shows we don't love ourselves, and don't care about future generations. He said "It's our job to take care of the world while we're here, and when we do that we're loving ourselves." Everything really is one big mirror. A family's home is a mirror of the collective inner life of all the family members, and the world's condition is a collective mirror of the global family's consciousness. In turn, what we see mirrored around us affects how we feel about ourselves, so it's a big cycle until we muster the courage to take responsibility and a personal inventory. i.e. My house is surfacy-clean, but open a few closets or cabinets and watch out! What does that say about me or our family? Sky must be our little Mayan Shaman... we are so blessed by his profound reminders.

Dossier: Ethiopia Bound

It appears that our dossier was translated and sent off to Ethiopia yesterday! Our FedEx account has been charged for overseas shipping, so we know it's on its way.... now it will sit in Ethiopia, awaiting a referral. It's hard to believe it just took 2 weeks to get to this stage. It's all going so fast- Amelie, here we come!

PS- I wanted to add to this post by saying that when we finally get Amelie's referral (photo & information) I will not be allowed to post it on our blog, or anywhere on the web until we have custody of her. I'm almost certain I can mail her picture out individually to family and friends (not in a mass e-mail). I'll have to check with our agency on the specifics, but I wanted to let everyone know in advance. We can't wait until we're at that point, and I have a feeling we're closer to it than we previously thought. We're cautiously optimistic.

Jenga Night

Liam left for his dad's in Kansas City this evening, then we had a Family Game Night with several rounds of Jenga. First Andrew and Sky played- Andrew won. Then I played Andrew- I won. Then I played Sorin- she won. Then she played Daniel- she won again. At last she played Sky- he won. It was a lot of fun when Daniel got his phone out and started taking pictures. We started exaggerating faces, and ooh-ing and aaaah-ing each other until we were all laughs. Oh, and you can finally see the chair rail we put up around the dining room and how the paint isn't finished... I'm hoping to complete that this weekend ('hoping' is the operative word, so I'm not holding my breath).

We tucked the two little ones in bed and Daniel did his usual lying down with Andrew after the lights were out. They lay together quietly, snuggled, until Andrew feels safe and sleepy. Now he's in Sky's room, lying with him in the dark, but there is a lot of talking coming from their room. It makes me chuckle because of how conversational Sky is all day; he seriously never stops talking. He's a restless sleeper, too. If we wait until he's asleep he tends to flop to the foot of the bed, kick us in the face and even push us away (all unconscious of course). Aaah, never a dull moment here.

Spring Break Flying By

Andrew asked me to take this picture of him prior to bedtime. It was shot on his handy little Fisher-Price camera and we took turns shooting pics of one another. (I'm not posting the ones of me because he requested "ugly faces" and boy did he capture them!) I always say that 'when he's not wearing glasses he could get away with murder in this house'. His dark, puppy eyes cast their spell if I'm not on guard, so to speak. I'm glad he hasn't figured that out yet; it's a good thing he has to wear them almost 24/7!

What a Spring Break this has been. I can't believe it's Friday already because it all flew by so fast. I'd say it was the most successful Spring Break thus far in the Peebles household. Normally, I schedule so many things in advance, worried I will lose my mind without activities to keep the kids busy, but this year I felt far more relaxed about the whole thing. Sorin was the only one desiring the Park & Recreation Camp experience, so she's been there full-time while Andrew, Sky and visiting Cecilia have stayed home. Sky demanded not to do camp this year, and Drew didn't want to attend without him so I didn't push it. We've been fortunate to have great coverage for Liam, with three homecare workers who've stayed in town over break. Liam leaves for his dad's today.

Mainly, I think it's Andrew's new ADHD medication that deserves a lot of credit. His oversensitivity, mood swings, impulsivity and hyperactivity are curbed at least 80% these days. He's not 'annoying' anyone and has been very conversational, affectionate and calm (Sky loves it). They've both had more fun together than at any other time since Andrew came home. It's amazing how much one person's mental health can affect the dynamic of an entire family. As concerned as we were about starting Drew on medication, we are seeing that his true and most beautiful qualities have been unmasked. Instead of making him someone he isn't (a zombie, or a worse, more irritable version of himself) it has helped to remove the ADHD symptoms, revealing clearly the guy we all know and love. ADHD, in it's most severe form, is like a huge cloud and we caught only glimpses of his sunshine before. We're all enjoying him so much and it's really helping with his self-esteem.

Last evening at dinner (and we're having a lot more enjoyable family dinners), Andrew reached over to hold my hand while he ate. It's something he does often, but this time he looked into my eyes, looked down with a bashful look and appeared to be summoning the courage to say something. He finally blurted out "Mom, I love you so much that I really want to marry you....Okay, I said it, there." He covered his face. If it weren't for his brown skin, we'd have seen a severe blushing. He used to say this often to me his first year home, but it's been a while since I've heard it. I just smiled and said "You don't have to marry me to love me and keep me forever, Andrew. I'm yours already." He then proceeded to say something he has never said before...something that had me laughing for a while. He got very focused and firm, saying "No, I think I will have to put Daddy into a pick-up truck, drive him away and sell him. Then I will come home and we can be married." He had such a calculated look on his face, as if he'd figured out something that's been needing a solution for a very long time. Of course, I had to laugh and finally explain a few things about "selling people" and that if he ever did take Daddy away we'd all go with him because we love him so much, especially me! Andrew then proceeded to whine and complain at his plan being foiled, and blurted out "Well, maybe in our next lifetime we can meet and get married, Mom!" That was too funny...he's trying so hard! He said "You are too old for me anyway in that body." He's got that right, not to mention I'm his mama!

A Blog That = Smiles

I wanted to post a link to a new blog entry I found today. Little Amari caught my eye because she's from Ethiopia, and when Sky saw the video post he almost fell into tears over her. He said "Oh Mommy, I just want to hold her, why can't we hold Amelie now." He collapsed into my lap and said "If we had Amelie in front of us right now we'd all be screaming! Oh I can't stand this, Mommy." His complete agony was palpable. I'm realizing the wait is going to be very hard on him once we receive her photo.

Amari helped us feel a tiny bit closer to Amelie today. We thank Amari and Jill for sharing their first year of joys with us.

New Guesstimate

Daniel just called and said he read our blog post that included his prediction of 7 weeks until Amelie's referral. He firmly, and with great confidence said he wants to change it to 4 weeks. I don't have the desire or courage to set myself up like that (for disappointment in two weeks), but I do hope he's right. The fastest one I heard about through our agency was 5 weeks, so it would be a record. I'd say it's unlikely, but who am I to question something completely out of our hands?

Okay, so Daniel says 4 weeks (around April 2), and I'm still at about 8 weeks (more like 7 1/2, around April 27th). I can just feel the Gods, Universe, Divine Mother, etc. chuckling at our attempts to predict something that is completely out of our meager human hands. Some day soon (very soon) we'll be reading these ponders in retrospect, and getting a walloping kick out of them! Anyone else dare to toss a guess?

Dragon Capes

I'm finding it challenging today to squeeze the time in for sewing. Like I said earlier, I'm hoping to make these capes for Andrew and Sky.... it's cotton fabric I found at Christmas time (they were supposed to be one of their presents) and I just became overwhelmed with the holidays. Yes, one of my many "unfinished projects"! I'm getting to each one these days, checking them off my mental list before Amelie comes home. Andrew and Sky are both thrilled after looking at the fabrics today....Andrew's likes the blue dragons, while Sky wants the gold. Andrew is obsessed with dragons, always has been since coming home (he says they protect him). And what is it with boys and capes? They're always a hit, and they can never have too many of them.

Sitting Alone

We all wanted to share that baby Cecilia (who we care for on weekdays) is sitting up unassisted now. She turned 7 months on the 17th. When she came over Monday morning I sat her on the floor and was able to walk away while she sat and played independently for almost an hour (squealing with delight). The boys came downstairs in amazement to see her just sitting there. It was as if they wanted to throw a party! She herself is very happy about it, and it's just a matter of time until she's scooting/crawling around the house. I've been watching her since December, and it's been such fun to watch her grow and develop. Sky keeps saying almost every day "Just color her skin brown, give her dark eyes with curls and we can imagine our Amelie, Mommy!" We're all quite attached to Ceci.

Week #2

We've already hit week number 2 since sending the dossier! By now we're assuming our dossier has made its way through the Washington DC authentication process, and sits at the Ethiopian embassy. We're hoping to hear from our agency soon about the status.

I'm in the process of looking at various booster seats. The 7 month old infant I care for during the day could use one, and I know Amelie will use it as well. I think we've picked out Amelie's portable crib for our room, but I narrowed it down to two and just haven't decided yet. It may be something we wait on purchasing until we see her face and know her age. Shopping is not my 'bag' and I just don't get much thrill from it. I'm looking more forward to the fabric stores and making her toys, blankets, and purging our home to make room for her both spatially and energetically.

I have a couple of matching dragon capes I'm making for Andrew and Sky today while Daniel has a very long day at work (9:00am-7:00pm). Daniel worked Monday, but had Tuesday and Wednesday at home . It was like a mini-vacation, so we're all a bit disoriented from that and Spring Break. Daniel and I talked yesterday and I asked him when he thinks our referral will come...he thinks at the 7 week mark, and I said closer to 8. I'm hoping he's right, or even sooner! Here's to time flying!

Light In My Pockets

There was a perfect moment when Andrew just came up to me today in the silence. I was sitting on the floor and he came to sit across from me. He gets these deep moments of clarity, where he seems very secure, centered and connected. He softly said "Mom.......look at me." I looked into his eyes; dark brown, wise and penetrating. He said very softly, slowly and succinctly "You are the rest of my life." It was an interesting and unusual sentence, but it makes sense that he would say it, considering where he came from. It's his way of telling me I'm the center of his life. He laid his head face down onto my lap, in a reverencial, devotional way while I stroked his hair and my stomach filled with warmth, tears filling my eyes. It's what I live for....those small, but very clear and beautiful moments that happen in between all the busy-ness of every day life. That is reality. It's where I go when things are crazy, uncentered and maddening- to those memories. I think of Andrew that way when I'm on my last nerve, or when I can't understand him. Those moments are like gems I carry around in my pockets.

Spring Break

With all the kids home for Spring Break it has been nearly impossible to post online. Andrew, Cecilia and I just picked up Sorin from an all day camp, so now it's a full house. Sorin will be finishing up a float tomorrow so she can participate in the St. Patrick's Day parade. We all plan to walk downtown and see it together. Liam has no supportive care workers for today, but they will begin tomorrow and he's hanging in there very well these days. No cabin fever yet!

As crazy-busy as I've been with the usual "Mom duties" and four+ kids at home, it's really been a quiet and uneventful break (so far). I'm always amazed at how quiet my house can get, despite the number of children here. I've had a hypnotic "Wah!" CD playing soothing mantras all day while Andrew and Sky interact and play at 1/2 hour intervals. They do 1/2 hour on, and 1/2 hour separated; it seems to be working very well. Not to mention Andrew's medication has been doing wonders lately. He's less irritable about things, not as hard on himself, and when he does get upset it doesn't last long. Sky has been thrilled most of all because he's been able to carry on regular conversations with his brother, and they even had three rounds of Chutes & Ladders together yesterday (this is truly a miracle). Usually they are frustrated and and about to strangle each other! Admittedly, Daniel and I couldn't be happier to have Andrew following directions, being less impulsive, etc. Our family dinners have been so enjoyable this last week! We're knocking on wood, hoping it continues.

And the clock keeps ticking on Amelie as we get closer to the referral. We're aware of this, but I'm noticing how fast time is flying by. I'm grateful for the busy life we have and the children that already grace us every day. We talk about Amelie several times a day...it's becoming a past time we all love, pondering together what her nose will be like, how her laugh will sound, how tight her curls will be, whether she'll be walking already and if she does what she'll be getting in to, wondering what will make us laugh about her. There are a zillion questions we have fun with, and I've noticed Sky is the most excited of all. He's excited to be an "older brother" for the first time, and have someone who will be looking up to him. I'm glad we're not all agonizing over missing her...not yet, anyway. Our hearts are preparing, opening up and clearing out in so many ways before she gets here. I have a feeling she's going to be a breath of fresh air to us all.

Now I'm off to help Andrew tape his giant, racially correct (brown) rubber ears onto his ears. Oh, the funny things kids do when they're bored!

Dossier Ball Still Rolling

We just received notice from our adoption agency that our dossier looked good, and was shipped out to Washington D.C. yesterday. The State authentications will be authenticated (such redundancy I know), and from there it will be ready for Ethiopia and translation. Yay!

Since we're requesting a girl between 0 and 2 years old we can't help wondering if she's already at Toukoul orphanage, and whether this broader age range means we'll receive a referral sooner. Our homestudy says we're open to 0-3 years of age, and approves us up to 4 years old. Is there a little two year old girl toddling around that we'll get pictures of, or will we be waiting on an infant who may be getting abandoned or discovered at this very moment? So many unknowns to ponder, but we'll have answers very soon. Whatever the case, I send love and blessings to her birth family for the heart wrenching decision they had to make, and pray she's safe, healthy and receiving enough nourishment. I spent a half hour on YouTube this morning watching ETH adoption videos, and I swear the tears were streaming over each little baby girl I saw! I kept wondering "Does Amelie look like her? Or does she look more like that little girl...? Is her nose like this, or is it more like that?" I keep getting impressions of her in my dreams and waking hours, and when I see a girl that looks like those visions I become overwhelmed. We are so very close to seeing her image with our eyes.

Week 1

Today marks 1 week since we submitted our dossier to the adoption agency. In that first week of waiting I have completed installing a chair rail in the whole dining room, painted the wall, purchased a few more clothing items and necessities for Amelie (such as baby shampoo, soaps, and size 2 & 3 dresses), along with a child's vintage wooden rocking chair (the back is a bear's head). Sorin and I have plans to paint the chair together, and she picked out the dresses. I managed to find Sorin's old size 2T sun dress in the basement and I love the idea of Amelie wearing it after all these years.

We had some questions answered regarding travel this week. We're told that it's common for parents to travel alone, and they have total support after arrival in the airport. Daniel would obtain his visa at the airport, meet up with the driver there, and he'd have assistance available throughout his stay. He'd stay on the grounds of Toukoul, which is kind of like a gated community, and included in his lodging fee is laundry, all meals, and babysitting. The babysitting is something Daniel seemed most relieved about because he's very nervous about caring for an infant alone, and wonders if he'll ever get a moment's rest. It's looking like we'll opt for solo travel to save money, and so I can stay behind to manage the kids this time. Andrew and Sky have made so much progress with security and attachment, we don't want to set them back by my sudden absence. I was happy to hear they have AT&T cell phone service in Addis because I plan to call Daniel (the Stork) every half hour!

"It's a Small World" Musical

Andrew had his 2nd Grade Musical Tuesday evening and he gave part of the introduction. He explained that the "Small World" theme was about all the different continents, he listed them, and then sung and played miracas later. We were very proud of him, and Sky was generously giving him many compliments for his performance. The boy to Andrew's left is his friend, Andreas, from Denmark. It's an ESL (English as a Second Language) school, so there are children attending from all over the world.

Check out Sky's new blog post here, and check out Andrew's latest posts here!

Crazy Awe, Zany Meds & Nesting...

What a week already. I can't believe it's only Tuesday.... There is so much going on here.

For some reason I'm still dazed, as if I'm dreaming. After the great referral news from another mom on the phone yesterday, I keep having to pinch myself, wondering if it can be true. She submitted their dossier to the same agency just 6 weeks ago, and received their referral of a beautiful 6 month old baby boy yesterday. Does this mean we'll have ours in 5-6 weeks? We don't know. A family in front of them waited just 5 weeks, but prior to them it has gone as long as ten and twelve weeks. However we look at it, Amelie is getting closer and closer to her forever family and it's very exciting. We even received a letter from USCIS stating that our I600 has been forwarded to the Embassy in Addis Ababa, and they gave us our case number.

On another note entirely, Andrew started ADHD medication over the weekend. We saw very minimal improvements, so we increased it early this morning. After an hour of observing him, he still doesn't appear to be having much response, either positive or negative. Anyone taking that type of stimulant medication surely would have some signs! Maybe the time-release aspect means he needs more than an hour, so we're keeping in touch with the school and hoping to hear some good news about curbed symptoms. The biggest problems with ADHD as a family are the impulsivity and inability to respond to requests in a timely manner. It becomes exhausting correcting him repeatedly, telling him not to do things and having to repeat what he was just told not to do again & again. There is quite literally no "stop sign" in his brain when it comes to point A and point B. This results in so much correcting and scolding that he becomes hopeless about himself, and wonders why he can't "get it" like everyone else. As a family, we become so deeply annoyed with the symptoms that we feel guilty, sorrowful and frustrated. It's a daily struggle, and anyone familiar with ADHD knows what I'm talking about. It's a double edged sword because it's also what makes him so unique, assertive, uninhibited, courageous and creative.

One problem we see is discriminating between when he's being purposefully naughty, and when he's simply impulsive (his brain "running off the road" so to speak). Most of the time it's the latter. His teachers all say that Andrew wants so desperately to do well at school, and that he's probably one of the best intentioned, hardest workers in his class. He always gets an "A" for effort and has a great attitude about learning. We know that if he just had the right medication he could excel in ways that are unimaginable because of how diligent he is. We are crossing our fingers all day...

With the dossier completed and mailed out I have a more freed up schedule and keep finding myself either finishing up old home projects, or starting new ones. Today my dining room will be finished as I paint the new chair rail molding. It really transformed the whole room, and gave us the option of a second color below the railing. The kids love it, and I have a sense of urgency about getting all this done before Amelie gets here. God knows my time will be limited soon!

I may post more later, but for now I have to get to all these projects!

Referrals!

Let's just say our referral of Amelie could really be right around the corner. I was shocked to hear the news of a referral from another parent today who hasn't been waiting very long. I won't say how long yet, but she called and I had goosebumps from head to toe! It's wild because I was watching a video of our orphanage, thinking about Amelie, along with this family and their future child. Our agency director told us both 3-4 months until a referral, but this is apparently not the case after seeing the last few families' referral times.

When I awaken each morning I keep sensing Amelie's little body, her hair and details about her sweet face. Each day she becomes more clearly felt. Soon she will be known.

Amelie at Le Toukoul

Here is a link to a blog that explains Amelie's orphanage- Le Toukoul. There is a picture of the infant beds, and three videos to view if you scroll down. I'm proud to be working with Adoption Avenues when I read about all they do for HIV and handicapped children.
I had chills run over me when I saw the first video of them driving onto the orphanage grounds. Is she there yet?

Sky's Leaf Party

Sky and Andrew were great and willing helpers with the yard work today. Daniel and I just sat back while they stuffed bags full of old Fall leaves. After a long 72 degree day, Spring is in the air!

Garden Fashion

I am a very humorous person, and find myself bursting into laughter all the time. But I have to say Andrew took the cake for me today when I replaced the foil wrap on our Lavender centerpiece with a wooden basket. Like he always does, with just about any discarded article, he asked "Can I have that?" I often say no to avoid the usual "Drew's dumpster bedroom" scene, but I handed it to him wondering what he could possibly want with it. Of course, why wouldn't someone wear it? Why didn't I think of that?! When he put it on and went outside to rake the old leaves I just could not stop laughing. It was painful laughter with tears rolling down my cheeks and the endorphins are still spewing forth this evening. He has no inhibitions and I love it. Our conventional Sky just stared at him, scrunched his face and stayed on the other side of the yard. Andrew wore it the whole hour they worked outside while passers by just smiled at him. Fortunately, this is the day Andrew started his new ADHD medication and it's obvious he hasn't lost that funny, expressive sparkle!

And We're Off!

Andrew, Sky and Daniel barely made FedEx's 6:00 cut-off today, but they arrived with smiles and a whole lot of pride. Sky and Andrew both seemed honored to be a part of it. At 6:00 I was deeply focused at a group meditation and kirtan service. Much needed after this hectic, but happy day. My shoulders are lighter tonight and I'm celebrating with my 3rd small piece of cheesecake...I'll take any excuse to indulge. And I swear, if anything tells a parent they can handle the extra work of an added child it's the compiling of an adoption dossier. There is so much involved, and so much focus needed that it will make Amelie seem like a piece of cake! Err, uuuh, "cake" on the brain tonight.

We are, at last, a Waiting Family! This means a referral as soon as April 9, or hopefully no later than May 28! It's time to get very busy with life so that the calendar doesn't become torturesome. Hmmm, which unfinished household project should we tackle first?

Official Business Completed

It's been a long day that started early. As soon as the kids were in school, we headed to Topeka to have our dossier's State Notaries authenticated. We had 29 documents in all, and the State attaches two pages to the top of each one. When we walked into the Secretary of State building we met up with the same woman, Georgia Lott, who has done authentications for all three of our adoptions now. She's an older, heavy-set woman with glasses who is as sweet as can be. We were so happy to see her because after all these years feels like a dear friend. She informed us that she couldn't authenticate our County issued marriage certificate, but directed us to where we could get a new one. We zoomed over there (across the street), obtained that in 15 minutes and zoomed back to her office where she had all the authenticating completed. At $7.50 a document, the bill was paid with money I earned doing child care, which felt great :) Thank you, Baby Ceci!

After that rendevoux, we headed to the copy shop making 2 copies of the whole dossier. Each page was copied individually (29 documents with anywhere from 3 pages to 10 pages each). And the monotonous stapling...urrrgh. Of course, it's all a joy when we're this far along. Presently, Daniel is driving to Kansas City to authenticate the State seals on his and Sorin's Missouri birth certificates. When I have those in hand we'll be overnighting it all by FedEx to our agency.

Tomorrow we'll officially be a Waiting Family, and we may very well have our referral in 5-12 weeks!

Ups and Downers

What a week for Andrew. It's been a while since I posted anything about how he's doing, so here we go. Overall, he's been progressing well and we continue the attachment therapy that has literally turned our whole family around. Andrew and Sky have both benefited from that. Andrew's anxiety and fears are virtually gone, outside of an occasional bad dream or memory popping up. Academics are another matter, and we've been concerned since he returned to school and left our more laid back, creative home school environment. He was evaluated and tested out the wazoo recently, and was found to be attentive 23% of his day. The other 77% he is distracted due to sensory issues and ADHD symptoms. This concerns Daniel and I greatly, so we're looking into an alternative medication for him.

Meds, meds, meds....urrrrgh. The 4-letter word that we can't live with, and can't live without. He's been on an anti-anxiety medicine that also significantly curbs depression. This helped mainly with his old PTSD trauma symptoms. We have to take him off that in order to start an ADHD medicine because his psychiatrist is nervous about overmedicating a boy who is so low-weight. As he withdraws from this medicine he's seeming more irritable and sad, but hasn't displayed any trauma symptoms (that's the good news). He's apparently feeling more safe and secure...yay! Now, if we could just help him through this withdrawal phase without him getting too depressed. Poor fella thinks everyone is against him these days! We don't know yet if this is just a withdrawal side effect, a sign he has real clinical 'depression' or just needs therapy to help him change his thinking. Whatever the case, he's starting new ADHD meds next Monday and we're all bracing ourselves, hoping it goes well.

As always, Daniel and I have mixed feelings about all of it. We're seasoned with mental health issues and treating our kids, but it's so very hard to discern what a child really needs. We do know for a fact that Andrew needs help focusing and learning in class; massage and vitamin supplements aren't cutting it. He's a wacky, wild, fun and beautiful boy...he's unique and will never fit into the little box our schools need him to fit into. I don't look forward to a zombie version of him, and hope we can skip meds on weekends so that the authentic and fun part of him can shine on us. I'm always amazed when kids have to be medicated just to pay attention and control impulsivity..... always stunned by it. But when we see numbers like "on task 23% of his day" we get very nervous for a boy who needs so desperately to feel "normal" and "smart" and all those positive things. He's brilliant in so many ways.

I'm stressed and apprehensive as I write all this, but I know there are so many other families out there dealing with similar or worse issues who completely understand. Andrew's appointment is Friday and we look forward to exploring all his options. I thank God he has any options! He's getting old enough to start discussing how his brain works, how special he is and ways he can appreciate himself. The letters: A-D-H-D are so confusing to him at this point, but we do have to start somewhere.

Finishing Up and Starting New Projects

Home Sweet Home

Wow, I have time and energy to blog today, amazing!

We stayed up last evening compiling and organizing our dossier according to the agency's list. Along the way I noticed we hadn't printed out several documents I prepared weeks ago, but as soon as we printed a few pages the ink ran out- perfect timing! Daniel made a run to the office supply store at 8:00 this morning (as soon as they opened the doors) so we could finish up the printing. After all the kids got to school we rushed out the door for Notaries, baby Cecilia in tow. We sat at the bank for over thirty minutes while the Notary poured through all the documents. She signed so many that she began making mistakes on the date, month, etc. She did lots of crossing out and correcting toward the end because it was simply mind-numbing.

After that, we made our way back to the office supply store to make copies of everything so Daniel can fax it all to our agency today for proof reading. They'll look it over before we go out to Topeka for authentication. We wanted to get our passport photos completed at that store, but the camera was broken-- more perfect timing! Instead, Daniel will do his without me in Kansas City and I''ll try to get to Walgreens later today. Whatever the case, our dossier will be ready for authentication Thursday morning. It will be mailed to the agency that day and we'll be an official Waiting Family! Letting go of all the paperwork is marvelous and liberating. Feels kind of like the first tri-mester will over at that point.

During the wait for Amelie's referral (5-12 weeks) we have a lot to stay busy with. We'll be getting a corner of our bedroom ready for Amelie's bed, and figuring out storage for her things. After all we've been through with our two adopted boys, our primary concern is attachment, so she'll be sleeping in our room for at least a year. After that, we're considering expanding to our attic for her room. I climbed up there through my closet yesterday and it's quite a long, large space with enough ceiling clearance for a basic room. It already has some wiring up there, too. Daniel's brother is a builder/contractor and we're talking to him about framing it for us. He'd also put in a small, winding staircase for us at the end of the hallway (probably have to do that first for access).

Why add another bedroom when we already have five? Well, in a nutshell, the only other option would be to place Andrew and Sky together and that just IS NOT and option. I have been deluding myself since we started the whole adoption process that they will eventually have harmony to coexist in a reasonable way together. This may be true, but NOT in the same room! I awoke with a light bulb flashing in my head "If Andrew and Sky cannot share the same bathroom cabinets for their toothbrushes, what makes you think they can ever share a whole room, Christine?!" Seriously, Andrew has to keep his toothbrush downstairs with Sorin and Liam's because he gets into Sky's things, gets upset that Sky is responsible enough to own his own dental floss and such. We had to separate their things.

Sky is a sort of organizational freak, is somewhat gentle on toys (for the most part), and needs his space. Andrew is a complete slob (sorry to say that, but he is a scattered ADD typical artist type and doesn't care about organization), and he breaks almost everything he touches. He simply cannot leave other people's posessions alone, especially if he's rooming with them! They roomed together for a short period over a year ago, and it was a disaster....they both lacked sleep, got mad at each other constantly, and are a hazard to one another's safety. It all gives us a headache.

Long term-wise Liam's little downstairs room (with an outside entry) will be a laundry/utility/mud room in 4-5 years, and Sorin's downstairs room will be a simple guest, library and TV room. We'll basically be down to 3 bedrooms when Sorin and Liam move on, so the attic seems the prefect route to go. Daniel's brother is stopping through town to look around the attic, take measurements and tell us what he thinks.

Change, growth.... it seems to be a theme throughout my life. Oh, and we still need to finish up the basement...I'm Queen of Unfinished Projects! Just can't get enough of them. This little girl coming along is going to impact and motivate us in major ways; I think we're in for some amazing things with her here. We can't even begin to imagine what they are right now, but I get the sense it's big and beautiful. Makes me nervous and excited at the same time.