Look Ma, No Food!

It's a dreary and wet day, but the smells outside are heavenly. Daniel and I stepped outside with Sky and Andrew for the dreamy scent of earth. Despite how drenched everything is after last night's rain, Sky has a soccer game today....that should be interesting. Andrew attended his Indian singing class this morning, and his creative theatre workshop yesterday went very well (he said his peers were asking for his autograph). He's doing well in many areas lately, but we're seeing a new and disturbing behavior emerging.

I hesitated to share this, but it's becoming so pervasive and difficult. I know there are other families who cope with these types of issues, and they can be common in older adopted children, but usually surface shortly after coming home. Andrew has never demonstrated anything like this for more than two years. Brace yourself because it's not pleasant-- At meal times he's begun a very systematic regurtitation of his food. I'm not talking about a slight gag or spit up- he does that, but it keeps resulting in the entire contents of his stomach ending up on the table. It's been happening about 6 days, and has been increasing in frequency. After close observation, we've noticed it only happens when he's alone at the table, and it never happens outside the home. He eats fine at school and restaurants. We have family meals in the evenings and he usually devours his plate during conversation. It only happens when he's alone at the table: **Light Bulb** **Red Light** **What's Up With That?!**

I've heard about internationally adopted children regurtitating like this on a regular basis, but it usually surfaces shortly after coming home due to cultural changes, stress, smaller stomachs, etc. Andrew's stomach has already grown accustomed to larger meals and American foods, so it's perplexing and most likely "control" oriented. I will say that we sit with him at the table when we can, but with 4 kids that's not always possible. If we're not sitting next to him, waching him eat as the "center of our universe" he directs us back through this unsavory behavior. Granted, it may be unconscious, it is still clearly purposeful.

Since it's behaviorally-based, we've put our foot down by removing his plate when he starts gagging, and require him to remain at the table until he stops. Otherwise he keeps taking bites against our advice, as if he needs those additional bites to enable him to puke more easily. But he's not allowed to simply get out of eating (which is what he wants). He literally could go all day without food, unless it's chocolate cream pies, of course- in that case he could seriously eat a whole pie.

After he stops the gagging he's required to resume eating. We keep going through this cycle until he realizes that no matter how much he gags or throws up he still has to eat. It's quite a drama, really, but we keep the attention to a minimum through the entire process. If we didn't handle it this way, we can see how it could result in him just walking away from every meal because he supposedly can't stomach food. Talk about a potential for serious eating disorders! Interestingly, this behavior sprung up at precisely the same time he started demonstrating a need for negative attention at all costs. I'd say 80% of all weekends he has orchestrated one large drama or another (he is a Thespian at heart, after all!) and his need to be the "center of negative attention" has increased considerably. When he throws up he immediately calls for us, says "Look, don't you feel bad for me?" and if he doesn't get much attention (like me cleaning it up without any talking) he purposely spills his water and announces it, expecting us to come running. He then increases in volume, bangs the table and finally stops when he realizes we're ignoring the negative behaviors. I go to him immediately when he uses a kind tone and good manners. Sounds fun, doesn't it? Just a typical weekend here in the Peebles' home.

I'm humored because after all his throwing up at the table, when he's finally gotten food down his tummy (usually after about two hours) we hand him a 350 calorie weight-gain shake and he chugs it down with ease, along with any rich and gooey dessert placed before him! Those shakes alone would nauseate me after any meal, so we know something is up, dude! We hope this stops when he realizes there is no pay-off from the behavior. It's an unhealthy ploy for "control." If it doesn't stop, we'll have to consult an eating disorder specialist because he'll be skin and bones again.

I'm hoping we don't come off as insensitive on this issue. Believe me, we're deeply concerned and do care about any suffereing he may be going through. It's simply very clear to us he's using a dysfunctional behavior to get attention and gain control. I care most about not allowing that to become a pattern in his life and the ultimate harm he'll bring to his health; we're pulling the reigns in pretty hard.

That said, he just wrote his own life story and wants to share it with us this evening. He likes to hold a pretend microphone and have us all lined up on the sofa to watch and listen. He always physically acts out parts of his stories, so it's very entertaining. Now, that's the kind of attention he needs to be seeking more often!