Babysitter Bites

Long post here-
I'm not sure where to begin, but let's just say we've been hiring supportive home care workers to assist and teach Liam for over ten years. They come into our home, get to know our family on a fairly intimate level and assist Liam with all his needs. They also take Liam on outings, which is what he prefers- swimming, parks, restaurants, shops, etc. We often grow fond of these people through a sense of deep appreciation and teamwork regarding Liam and our other children because they can stick with us for years. On weekends they babysit all our children, usually once a week on Saturday evenings so we can have some respite time alone. We honestly couldn't function without them. They learn all the details about all of our children, their gifts, talents, issues and challenges.

It really pushed me beyond my boundaries ten years ago when I realized I'd have to succumb to allowing people in my very guarded home environment. I grew up with parents who rarely had people over, who were not social (at least not around my sister and I) and we were what I'd call extreme introverts. Our home was our guarded sanctuary, and it was untouchable by outsiders. Liam has helped me grow in so many ways, and this is one way I am so grateful for because we've gotten to know so many wonderful people. We've learned the joys of loosening up and opening our boundaries to visitors. He's opened up the world for me.

With a more open home, we've had some job interviews with people that I would never allow to step foot back into this house again. Either they don't communicate and give us blank stares, they say things that give off red lights, they can't laugh, or they just have an aura about them or a look in their eyes that feels all wrong. I'd say over the past ten years we've interviewed over 100 people, either in our home or on the phone. Rarely do we find a fit, but when we do we're elated and relieved.

Unfortunately, some people's true colors aren't revealed until after they've worked for us a while. Several months ago we hired a new Summer worker I'll call Sandy (for the sake of privacy) and she seemed responsible, level headed and very appreciative of the opportunity to work a job that didn't require sitting in an office all day. She was excited and ready for the enriching experience of working with our son. The only problem was, almost every time she worked in our home she claimed to have been bitten or snapped at by our elderly Golden Retriever, Emily. We were dumbfounded because that dog is the sweetest, most angelic presence in our home and the only time she snaps is if she feels threatened (someone steps on her while sleeping, kicks her under the table, touching her sensitive arthritic front legs, etc). She snaps, never draws blood and rarely even contacts the skin....almost all dogs do this if they feel threatened. However, each time we left the home with Sandy in charge we had an uneasy feeling and knew we were going to hear the same story- "Emily bit me again."

We have four children in the home, two adults, and for the past ten years we've had well over 25 homecare workers in our home, not to mention the pet sitters we've hired while out of town and NOT ONE PERSON has been bitten by Emily. That is what perplexed us so much. Sandy seemed so intelligent and level headed, but something wasn't right. She's one of those people we speak to and there is no response, silence, etc. and we never knew where we stood or what she was thinking. I chalked it up to a different communication style, but it was unnerving. After each biting incident I have insisted that she keep Emily in Sorin's bedroom, but for some reason she completely refused to follow this request. I started having doubts about her because she kept suggesting we put a muzzle on Emily. We don't believe in muzzles, except in extreme circumstances... it's Summer, the dog needs to pant and drink, and I know for a fact they don't work for training purposes. Sandy kept mentioning the muzzle for training, and we insisted Emily stay in Sorin's room (that would fix the problem, plain and simple, but she would NOT do that). It began to feel like a tug of war regarding whose ideas were better. We started worrying that maybe she was building up some type of case for a lawsuit....we'd come home and she show us very small marks here and there, and tell us she's "concerned because we're bringing a small child into our home." Of course this is our business and she was not biting the children.

For some reason, we kept giving her the benefit of the doubt until yesterday. We received an e-mail saying: "I understand that she is old, and you all love her very much, which is why I have been understanding and have not asked and wouldn't ask to have her put down, despite being long past Lawrence's two bite rule." Two bite rule?! Uuh, this was put in place because of pit bull breeders and dogs who are a serious threat to the residents of Lawrence. She would need to have witnesses, file police reports and seek medical care. She had none of those. Her statement creeped us out in so many ways. Despite saying "have not asked and wouldn't ask to have her put down" there is so much between the lines, including the idea we should be grateful she hasn't called the city. Mentioning the euthanization of a family member we've had for 12 years should not even be an option in this situation, and it was completely inappropriate to even mention it. Emily was ONLY biting Sandy, so it makes more sense to let Sandy go. NO ONE ELSE has ever had this problem with Emily. Why Emily was snapping/bitting at her we will never know. Sandy had obviously researched city laws on the matter, so her wheels were turning and this made us very nervous. We took it as a threat and fired her immediately. What is MOST confusing in this matter is the fact that she kept pressing the muzzle idea and completely refused to put Emily in Sorin's bedroom which would have avoided this whole mess. We will never know exactly what happened... but we don't want people in our home who refuse to implement requests, rules, etc. She's either very stubborn, stupid or mentally unstable, or all of the above. She seemed bent on proving a point about our dog and her ideas. If she really was getting bitten, it's quite possible that Emily was trying to tell us something! Sky had a VERY difficult time with her, too, but that's another long story.

Note: Some people have asked whether this affects our trip and house/babysitting while we're in Africa. We have been SOOOO blessed to have gone from depending completely on Sandy to be here for us, to not needing her at all this last week. A veteran sitter is available for most of the trip, along with an excellent school para so we have it all covered. I think this all came to light at the right and perfect time.