Years ago, in 2003 when we completed our first adoption we didn't have as many online support groups specific to international adoption (at least that I was aware of, I may have been out of the loop). So we went through that process alone, in the dark without holding the hands of other families. I cannot even imagine this now. We walked hand in hand with another family during Andrew's adoption, and I don't think we would be doing it again if we didn't have others to talk to every day about the rollercoaster we are in for.
We also didn't see hardly anyone blogging back then. I believe "blogging" was a term I came across in later years and it took me a long time to understand or even become interested. Journaling online, without knowing most readers seemed to have an appeal to it, despite how bizarre and daunting it was.
I know both types: Those who would never blog and those who can't live without it. The same goes for online communities. I appreciate the diversity in abilities, preferences, needs and such. Mainly, I feel grateful I have the freedom to choose when, with whom, and how much I share about my own personal life. It's no different than those who choose to write autobiographies versus those who decide they'd rather not expose themselves and their deepest thoughts that way. We all have self-imposed "lines" we won't cross and thankfully it's up to each of us, individually, where those lines will be. Not once have I regretted sharing my life and children's stories publicly...if anything it has guided me to some of the most amazing relationships with the strongest, most authentic women I have ever met. There is a deep connection there, despite the fact that we've never meet in person. I think you all know who you are! There is a vibration, and a connection that transcends all time and space. I value all these people because they have helped me grow and become exactly who I am today.
I'm sure it's clear that the issue of "privacy" has been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe because of the raw and honest sharing I am so grateful for from other mothers and families. They have inspired and helped me gain insights, feel less alone, and in turn have helped my children in ways that are beyond words. Or maybe it's because I have a very private sector of extended family who take issue with the the ability to connect and share information so freely and openly. I was amazed to find a view out there that we are somehow giving up our privacy (which was once valued and coveted) by blogging or joining online communities. This view is fear based and negative in my opinion. Whatever the case, I felt compelled to express my thoughts on this matter because privacy is only violated if it is done against our will, meaning, by someone other than ourselves. This has never happened to me. We have freedom of speech in this country and we don't judge those who go out and express views politically, socially, etc. As an artist this freedom is one of the most valuable to me.
Personally, I come from the philosophy that I am depriving the world of my gifts if I hide or keep too many things private. I'm always feeling as if I have NO RIGHT to hide myself from the world. Being a previously shy/timid person this would be an unhealthy route. A very wise person once told me that the only reason people call themselves a "private person" is to avoid pain. Private people keep hidden because they fear rejection, judgement from others, a sense of unworthiness, etc. This resonated with me because my shyness came from that kind of dark, painful place. For many, I realize their privacy may be coveted for different reasons and because of that I hold no judgements here. This view simply helps me get out of my shell because it was true for me. I have problems when people scoff at bloggers who harm no one. I believe most judgements are proof that one needs to go within to find out where they believe they are lacking.
Whatever our choices, there is an increasing connectedness taking place in this world through the web and we have to get used to it. It's a connection we all never could have fathomed having 15-20 years ago. I will never forget watching President Obama sworn in through Facebook & CNN. I could see people's thoughts, ideas, excitement, etc. and share mine with total strangers. It gave me an eerie sense of unity I have never felt before. It makes this a much smaller, more intimate world. Maybe this is intimidating to some who want things to be the way they used to be, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I consider the "Leave it to Beaver" days and how people worked so hard at portraying an 'image' to the world, shared nothing personal (especially if it was negative) and if anyone was depressed, felt inept, or needed therapy it was kept secret. Those days are long gone as we work toward a more authentic and loving world of acceptance and unity.
I'd like to thank all the mothers whose blogs I have read and been inspired by, gained wisdom from, and all those who have helped guide and support me in big and small ways through the web. My life is richer because of you and I hope I have been of benefit to others as well. We are all so much alike. After reading hundereds of blogs over the years there seems to be a thread of similarities; they tickle my heart. We are all going through this same human experience, hoping for grace, falling down, getting up, and needing support. We are all at our core the very same.
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