Dooby has been with us 6 months now, and he used to be my mom's cat. He's very big and heavy, so he's aka "The Blob" and "Bubba", and Sky has called him "Meatball" on occasion. Despite how affectionate he's always been with Daniel and I, he has been so cautious and cranky with the kids (especially with Andrew and Sky). We had to take this picture when he sat on Sky's lap and stayed there for quite some time, purring and happy.
Today's the day of getting the dossier documents together for notarization. We'll be going to the bank soon with a pile of papers to sign, and they always look at us like we're nuts! "Wow! Uuuh, what's all this?" It really is worse than the pile we signed to buy our home.
As I'm doing all this organizing, there have been two boys out of school since yesterday due to parent-teacher conferences (along with the infant I care for M-F). It's been an unnerving experience because I had laryngitis the past two days and couldn't speak more than a whisper when the boys needed discipline or reprimands. It was comical, really, watching myself in a whisper yell "No, Sky! Don't do that!" I can't believe they weren't rolling on the floor from the hilarity. I ended up having to separate them about half the day just to keep my sanity, and make sure they didn't clobber each other or burn the whole house down! Seriously, I shouldn't paint it that terribly...Sky steps in so often to help with the infant care; he is a huge help. He read her a zillion story books yesterday, gave her so much love and affection and just oogled over her all day. I still cannot get over how much he loves her. I told him this morning about how she had a bowl of baby cereal and he was SO PROUD of her, beaming and complimenting her. He had to run into the kitchen screaming"Eeeeeeeee! Her super cute and tiny bowl and spoon! Aaaaaaaaaw!" I have never known a more baby-crazed 7 year old boy.
Speaking of Sky, the conference with his teacher went great last night. All areas have improved significantly since our last conference. He's showing far more self control, positive choices, and is soaring academically. He's 3 reading levels beyond where he should be, and keeps progressing. His birth mother is illiterate, and I can't help thinking about how proud she'd be (brings tears to my eyes). His reading is so good now that I'm having to ask him for privacy when writing, blogging or doing e-mail (he is a huge snoop!) No more writing stuff out and thinking my boys won't be able to decipher it. I am so not used to that because Liam, with the autism, doesn't read, and Sorin is rarely interested or focused enough to read my things. It is an interesting journey to be the first time parent of a typically developing child, but I'm enjoying it.
Now, if I can just keep them from maiming one another today. My voice is back (however hoarse). Andrew slept in, and woke up crying to me about a terrible dream. He said he was with Daddy, they had a flashlight in the dark and couldn't find me. They later realized I was gone forever and started holding each other and crying. I was standing at the stove, making scrambled egges when he shared this. I held him and had to remind him it was just a "fear dream." Like so many adopted children, he is deathly afraid of losing his mother. His great relief at holding me was palpable, as if he couldn't believe I was alive and well. Aaah dreams...I'm so glad he was able to share that with me. Maybe today will be a more calm and relaxed day, maybe not. We're just happy to have each other no matter how hairy things get.
It's another record! Our I-171H approval letter arrived today, only 6 days after fingerprinting. Sorin always carries the mail in when she gets home from school, and she handed it to me. I ripped it open in excitement while she asked me what was going on. She was surprised by my unusual fuss over a small piece of mail. I said "Oh my, Sorin! This is the letter we've been waiting for. Approval to adopt a child from Ethiopia!" She started getting as giddy as me, we both hugged, and squealed with complete relief. Now, all we have to do is get everything together for the notary so we can have the full dossier authenticated in Topeka. After that it goes to our agency, and we never see it again. Our official wait will begin! Daniel and I have plans to get our passport photos for the dossier, and pictures of our home & family together the next two days. Next week it will get authenticated and ship out to our agency. We are walking on air with relief that the USCIS didn't make us wait too long. I've heard it take anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months for families. Six days was marvelous, not to mention the measley 10 minutes we spent at their office last week. We hope this auspiciousness continues as we get closer and closer to our little girl. WOOO HOOOOOO! Time to dance ;-)The win last night at the Oscars had us cheering out of our seats. "Slumdog Millionaire" is literally my favorite film of all time. Not because it's filmed in Mumbai where Andrew Prasad lived most of his life, but because it's a rich, multi layered meaningful, multi sensory experience that promotes hope and joy. It's positive and uplifting, and most importantly it's about love.
My Indian guru spent so much of his life talking about the importance of merging East and West. The efficiency and productivity of the West with the wisdom of the East could take us into a higher age. This film is a microcosm of that. The English director, the producer and many who worked to make it seamless were Western, but there was a whole "Indian side" of the equation that collaborated and helped build such a wisdom filled, perfect film. I'm hoping this opens people's minds in our country to the beauty of the East, to Eastern and even Middle-Eastern people and that we can all begin to unite somehow in appreciation for one another. We each have something valuable to contribute, and for me this film is a symbol of the growing East-West connection.
Andrew is so deeply prideful today. He kept saying that Mumbai is the place where he was born, and "it's also the place where they made the very best movie in the whole, whole world." He asked me to write the name of the movie on a slip of paper so he could share the news with his teacher and classmates. Of course, he hasn't seen it (it's not appropriate for 9 year olds), but he has seen many clips online and just loves the soundtrack. It's such a positive part of India for him to embrace, ultimately enabling him to embrace himself :) When I watch those children in the film I know they are my Andrew....they are exactly where he would be if he were to have stayed in India, gone to the government home, and eventually been put out on the streets (or he would have escaped to them.) How we love real life happy endings!
Today is a big day for Sky! He's in the Chess Club at school and has been playing since last Summer. He plays against Daddy on weekends and we all thought he might take a year or two before beating him, but today he beat Daddy! He was thrilled and cannot stop talking about it. The winner always gets to sit in the big green chair for the next game, while the loser sits on the floor. The board sits on a foot stool. Sky keeps talking about how "Daddy will have to sit on the floor next weekend, while I get to sit in the big, comfy green chair, ha ha ha ha ha!!!" It's comical to us, really, and we're so proud of him for doing so well at a left-brained game that I can't seem to wrap my mind around. We think next year he'll be participating in the school Tournaments, so watch out!
Andrew has been making a zillion things out of paper lately. Paper instruments are his latest craze. This is his guitar, and he made a very long-necked sitar type of instrument he calls a "Louie". It's about 6 feet long and I told him I could use it as a bookmark (which had him laughing hysterically). He's been asking me why his brain wants him to make things so much, and is becoming very aware of his creativity. He's also been in such a goofy and playful mood these days which has been a lot of fun. It's going to be a giggly weekend!
Years ago, in 2003 when we completed our first adoption we didn't have as many online support groups specific to international adoption (at least that I was aware of, I may have been out of the loop). So we went through that process alone, in the dark without holding the hands of other families. I cannot even imagine this now. We walked hand in hand with another family during Andrew's adoption, and I don't think we would be doing it again if we didn't have others to talk to every day about the rollercoaster we are in for.
We also didn't see hardly anyone blogging back then. I believe "blogging" was a term I came across in later years and it took me a long time to understand or even become interested. Journaling online, without knowing most readers seemed to have an appeal to it, despite how bizarre and daunting it was.
I know both types: Those who would never blog and those who can't live without it. The same goes for online communities. I appreciate the diversity in abilities, preferences, needs and such. Mainly, I feel grateful I have the freedom to choose when, with whom, and how much I share about my own personal life. It's no different than those who choose to write autobiographies versus those who decide they'd rather not expose themselves and their deepest thoughts that way. We all have self-imposed "lines" we won't cross and thankfully it's up to each of us, individually, where those lines will be. Not once have I regretted sharing my life and children's stories publicly...if anything it has guided me to some of the most amazing relationships with the strongest, most authentic women I have ever met. There is a deep connection there, despite the fact that we've never meet in person. I think you all know who you are! There is a vibration, and a connection that transcends all time and space. I value all these people because they have helped me grow and become exactly who I am today.
I'm sure it's clear that the issue of "privacy" has been on my mind a lot lately. Maybe because of the raw and honest sharing I am so grateful for from other mothers and families. They have inspired and helped me gain insights, feel less alone, and in turn have helped my children in ways that are beyond words. Or maybe it's because I have a very private sector of extended family who take issue with the the ability to connect and share information so freely and openly. I was amazed to find a view out there that we are somehow giving up our privacy (which was once valued and coveted) by blogging or joining online communities. This view is fear based and negative in my opinion. Whatever the case, I felt compelled to express my thoughts on this matter because privacy is only violated if it is done against our will, meaning, by someone other than ourselves. This has never happened to me. We have freedom of speech in this country and we don't judge those who go out and express views politically, socially, etc. As an artist this freedom is one of the most valuable to me.
Personally, I come from the philosophy that I am depriving the world of my gifts if I hide or keep too many things private. I'm always feeling as if I have NO RIGHT to hide myself from the world. Being a previously shy/timid person this would be an unhealthy route. A very wise person once told me that the only reason people call themselves a "private person" is to avoid pain. Private people keep hidden because they fear rejection, judgement from others, a sense of unworthiness, etc. This resonated with me because my shyness came from that kind of dark, painful place. For many, I realize their privacy may be coveted for different reasons and because of that I hold no judgements here. This view simply helps me get out of my shell because it was true for me. I have problems when people scoff at bloggers who harm no one. I believe most judgements are proof that one needs to go within to find out where they believe they are lacking.
Whatever our choices, there is an increasing connectedness taking place in this world through the web and we have to get used to it. It's a connection we all never could have fathomed having 15-20 years ago. I will never forget watching President Obama sworn in through Facebook & CNN. I could see people's thoughts, ideas, excitement, etc. and share mine with total strangers. It gave me an eerie sense of unity I have never felt before. It makes this a much smaller, more intimate world. Maybe this is intimidating to some who want things to be the way they used to be, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I consider the "Leave it to Beaver" days and how people worked so hard at portraying an 'image' to the world, shared nothing personal (especially if it was negative) and if anyone was depressed, felt inept, or needed therapy it was kept secret. Those days are long gone as we work toward a more authentic and loving world of acceptance and unity.
I'd like to thank all the mothers whose blogs I have read and been inspired by, gained wisdom from, and all those who have helped guide and support me in big and small ways through the web. My life is richer because of you and I hope I have been of benefit to others as well. We are all so much alike. After reading hundereds of blogs over the years there seems to be a thread of similarities; they tickle my heart. We are all going through this same human experience, hoping for grace, falling down, getting up, and needing support. We are all at our core the very same.
Daniel and I were prepared for a long day sitting at the boring USCIS office. We had three bottles of milk for Cecilia, all her toys, several diapers, all our paperwork in case they asked for something, granola bars and plenty of our own beverages. We hauled our way to Kansas City (an hour drive) with confusing directions from MapQuest (they always seem to give us the strangest, most complicated ways to get anywhere). After two adoptions, we've been there several times and should have known better! We finally reached our destination, saw a zillion cars parked outside and took a very deep breath. "Oh the wait is going to be so long. Look at all the cars" I thought. We walked inside, went through the metal detectors and walked straight up to the fngerprint window at 10:00 a.m. There was no line, and very few people in the waiting area. Most of them were there for Citizenship tests. We were handed numbers and short forms to fill out. We sat down and heard them call out "Number 24?" I was shocked because I was holding number 26! I had barely filled out the form and began to hurry. Just as I filled in the last line they called me. We were each called back individually to give our electronic fingerprints. The specialist told Daniel that he and I "both have marvelous prints compared to most adoptive parents." I have no idea what that means, but I took it as a compliment :-)By the time we were both completed it was 10:10 a.m. We were shocked and giggling. With Sky's in '02 we were there at least an hour or so, and with Andrew in '06 it was several hours of waiting (Sky was with us and it was agonizing on him). Ten measely minutes is unheard of in bureaucratic government offices. It reinforces for us how supported we are and how supremely right this adoption is.
Now it's just a matter of waiting for their approval letter (the 171-H). I've heard it's typically about two weeks, but there seems to be nothing typical so far about this process. As soon as that's received we can authenticate our dossier and become an official WAITING FAMILY.
I know it's a bit early, but each item I've purchased over the past few months just screamed for Amelie. The hand knitted cap will either fit her, or be used on her dolls.
This cotton dress was found at a consignment shop (a large size 2) and the wooden rattle was irresistible considering we're cutting way back on plastics.
I hestiated to post this little scrap because it will look so much better finished! It's going to be a Waldorf style Star Baby doll. It's all natural fibers and will be made to look like her with sleeping eyes. I'm looking for wool stuffing. The head will have a pointed cap to match the heart. A black curl will be coming out under the hat at the forehead. The heart may have her name sewn onto it. Most importantly, it will have Mommy's love in it.
This is an all natural cotton & flannel blanket I made for her in November. Also filled with a lot of Mommy's love!
Little Cecilia has been generous by sleeping longer today, so I'm sipping more tea, reading more news and updating my blog today.I wanted to share that my favorite 7 year old sat with me, arm in arm, this morning and watched the Ethiopia video at the bottom of this page. It was the first time Sky had seen anything like that and he was teary eyed, asking if he could go to Ethiopia some time to help those children. He also added that he understands why we're adopting again "because of so many kids needing families like I did." That little video opened his mind and heart even more...I think the faces make it real.
He also asked to look at his personal weblog and added some new pictures this morning.
Andrew Prasad and Daniel at a park in Mumbai, India, 1/2007
It's difficult to post about something that I didn't witness first hand. Sorin ventured out to Colorado last Thursday on a bus with over 55 kids. She had an incredible weekend at her YOU (Youth of Unity) Rally. It was held in the mountains of Allenspark, near Boulder, CO. She returned last evening at 3:30am and sacked out from 4:00am-12:00 this afternoon. She got up all rumpled and tired, filled with tears because she wasn't at Rally any more. I know that feeling after returning from a blissful place, like my guru's ashrams. You just don't want to come back to the world!
