Baby Steps

These sealed envelopes are music to our eyes. After working tirelessly yesterday to put together our new dossier documents, I filled out our USCIS I-600A form (for Immigrations) and made copies of all the necessary documents for it. I also completed the application for our new agency, attached our homestudy along with the social worker's signed agreement to do post-placement reports. All this while babysitting a 5 month old! I get stressed because I worry about my scattered mind forgetting or overlooking a detail or two, so I obsess until it's done. When Daniel came home he reviewed the documents and carried them to the post office. My shoulders are dropping about five inches and I'm feeling more relaxed than I have in a few days ~breathe~ These little details seem trivial to post about, but every little step is so valuable in this complex process. Andrew and Sky are commenting on how much work adoption requires, and asking whether we did all this for them. It's nice that they're old enough to understand and witness all we went through and I think they feel more valued and special as a result.

Tomorrow afternoon I'm taking a break from all the paperwork and right-brained, organizational hubbub. Tonight is our 'writing night' and I'll finally have some creative time to work on my book.

A Little Closer to Amelie...

Okay, okay...the indecision has ended and we're mailing our application to the new placement agency today. They're not exactly new, and I believe they've been around for at least 20 years or so. They have a track record, and I've heard from satisfied families who used them. We researched the Better Business Bureau and they haven't had any complaints against them. It's such a huge decision that it's been stressful and mind numbing, but when I see the delays for referrals and huge waiting lists at our current agency the decision seems obvious.

So, the application is ready and going out today. Once we're approved we'll inform the other agency and proceed forward. Meanwhile, our completed, notarized copies of the home study should arrive today and we can send that with oour I-600 to the USCIS immigration office for a fingerprint appointment, then approval. I'm praying this isn't delayed due to a new administration....with Sky's adoption the approval came in a matter of weeks, and for Andrew we ran into delays. Divine timing, Divine timing...I have to keep remembering that no matter what happens it's all for a reason, and all is exactly as it should be.

Tomorrow morning Daniel and I will venture out to get a new State Police fingerprint clearance. We had them done before, but we didn't request a notary on the clearances because the other agency didn't require them. This new agency does, and right now it's taking 1-2 weeks to get them back. Next week we'll be going to Topeka for originals of Sky & Liam's birth certificates, while Daniel will work at getting Sorin's from Missouri. Those are given to us within minutes while we wait. For Andrew we'll simply attach a "true copy" statement to a copy of his original Indian birth certificate (I was so relieved we're allowed to do this). After the fingerprints, and birth certificates are gathered we'll be ready to authenticate the dossier. We're moving forward with all smiles!!!

Last night Daniel and I talked about how frustrating it is not to see Amelie's face yet...not to even have a clue what she looks like. He said "If we close our eyes we really can see her, though. Just focus on her." I did that and sensed her outline, her tiny form, her hands, and could feel her in my arms. I keep feeling her in my arms and it's comforting. Before we know it all these sensations will become tangible, physical and seemingly surreal even though she is here, smiling, growing and thriving.

Indecision

It's been a crazy couple of days with our dossier compilation. It might be less crazy had we decided to stick with our current placement agency, but after speaking to a couple of families who switched we're rethinking everything. We're at a point where we haven't given them our first large payment for dossier submission, so we have the luxury of rethinking now (a huge blessing, as many families are 'stuck' with an unexpectedly long wait for referrals). We're only about 90% decided on the new agency....they've been prompt about returning e-mail inquiries, they run their own "model" orphanage in Ethiopia with two US doctors on staff, and they have no waiting list (which amazes me). They are a small agency and do mostly Eastern European adoptions. I was told referrals for Ethiopia are at about 12-16 weeks after the dossier is completed, then travel 1-3 months after that. They even offer an escort service that we're considering, rather than travel. The drawback with an escort is that we won't see her birth country and it will extend her wait to get home by about 4-6 weeks. I'm concerned about it because we traveled to bring Sky & Andrew home and she may ask why we didn't do that for her.....Daniel has no problem with the idea and says we'll tell her "she flew home to us like a beautiful bird." We could always plan a trip with her when she's older, I suppose.

Anyway, everything feels a bit 'up in the air' and ungrounded right now until we decide 100% on switching. Meanwhile, I've been working on the documents needed for the other agency just in case. I have to make a trip to Topeka for Liam's original birth certificate, and Daniel has to get Sorin's in Missouri. We only have an Indian birth certificate for Andrew and I wonder what to do-- we only have one original and don't want to part with that. If it looks like too much trouble we'll stay with our first agency because they only require the parent's birth certification. Oooooh but we would love to switch to an agency with no waiting list! If we did, I'm guessing the dossier would be completed by late February and we could have a referral by May or June. How I don't like to project and guess like that with international adoption, though.....it's a very tricky process! We're bracing ourselves for any possible outcome...

Meanwhile, with our original agency we heard that 10 families received referrals yesterday! I was so happy to hear that and was jumping up and down for all the families who had been waiting 8-9 months. It's also good news for the other families on the list as they move up...I hope the referrals keep pouring in because the list was at about 100 families and God knows there are far more children needing homes.

Snags & Blessings

It turns out our homestudy is complete, however our social worker is still waiting on Sorin's fingerprints. They were redone after ours, so they're late. Until we get those back, the homestudy can't be 'officially done' and used to apply at the immigration office. Oh well, it's a Friday so I'm hoping for good news by early next week. Meanwhile we're zooming through our dossier and have a lot completed for that.

I've been starting to pay close attention to incoming referrals at our agency and have been told they come in waves. There was a dry spell over the holidays, but they are picking up again. I think they had 3 boys referred this week, but won't know for certain until we receive the Friday update this afternoon. Sometimes they come in tidal waves, sometimes all girls, or mostly boys, or both. It's all random and very unpredictable. The most important thing for those on the waiting list is that they're coming so the list gets going. I'm told after the dossier is completed we'll get a number based upon the group we fall in to (those desiring a girl, age 0-3). Initially, we started out requesting a girl, age 0-2, but was told by our coordinator that if we open the range a bit we may have a shorter wait. This doesn't mean our girl will necessarily be older, though... I recall a batch of 4 girl referrals that came in November and they were from 0-2 years old. It's the 'unknown' that can be torture on the heart!

Is she alive now? If she is, is she being cared for, fed well, is she receiving enough touch and is she well? If/when she is ill will she receive proper care and treatment? Without her in my tummy it is an agonizing part of the process that requires complete trust.

I have found out that two families who received referrals had waited 7-8 months on the list, so we're bracing ourselves for a long journey! It's hard, but on one hand it gives us a great deal of time to save money for the last portion of our adoption fees and travel. If we didn't pay for it all in piecemeal we wouldn't be able to do it, so we're grateful for 'time'. We paid the balance on our homestudy with money I earned doing in home childcare. That felt great! There always seems to be more than we need whenever we need it.

Watching little Cecilia every day has been one of the best decisions I have ever made, not only financially, but because I'm noticing my brain shifting and splitting from 4 directions to 5! I need that preparation. When she isn't here on evenings and weekends I notice that I miss her....my mind continues to keep tabs on her even when she's gone, and I have to remind myself she's not in the house. It hasn't been the least bit overwhelming, even when the kids are out of school... if anything, she gives Sky something to do because he LOVES reading to and playing with her. Ceci is one part of this journey that feels very right...her presence in our family has been a huge blessing and I am grateful to her for just 'being' here every day.

Her Name

Well, it's final...at least it's final for now! We've decided to name our new daughter Amelie Linda. Amelie is pronounced: Aah-ma-lee with the first syllable stressed and the second syllable barely there, almost like Aam~lee. I have always personally loved the name (it's French and means 'industrious'). Linda is my mother's name and means 'beautiful'. We researched countless baby name sites and kept thinking we loved this name, that name, but none of them stuck. As soon as we read the name Amelie we said it aloud and it was very, very right. I asked Sorin what she thought and it was the first name that didn't take her any time to adapt to; she liked it immediately. I know there will be mispronunciations, like Uuh-Melly, but we're willing to deal with that. Even Sorin and Liam get their names mispronounced, and often!

It's so nice to refer to our new daughter with a real name in conversations... I have a feeling that after the names Amelie and Linda will be a third Ethiopian name that she keeps.

We are all looking so forward to tomorrow's historical inauguration! Woo hoooooo!

Why Not?

I don't like to harp on this, and probably won't again. We are so often asked "why" regarding our choice to adopt internationally (or adopt in general)....especially again. Especially when we already had biological children, and now have completed two adoptions and will soon have a clan of 5. People outside the adoption community seem to have a more difficult time wrapping their minds around it, including relatives, colleagues, and friends. I suppose it's a human need to rationalize a "why". The simple answer that immediately comes to Daniel and I is "Why not?" Honestly, the question stumps me the way "Why are you doing something marvelous?" would stump anyone. Maybe the answers below will help end this discussion for many, not just those who know us, but for all who know families who have adopted children and have the same question. One parent I know has had children by three's- First three, then three more, and now awaiting three more from Ethiopia. I was recently inspired by her blog to list the personal "whys" that are in our hearts:

-Because we have a strong sense of how short life is. It's brevity makes us want to fill our cups with as many happy memories and touch as many lives as possible.

-Because when we are on our deathbed we won't be thinking about the cars we didn't buy, the larger house we could have had, or the trips we could have taken with the money. We'll be thinking about how well we loved and how many hearts we touched with depth and sincerity.

-Because we never know how long we'll live. To live for a quiet retirement of travel, or in a quiet, childless house is completely futile if we never make it to retirement. We live for "now" and fill our plates to overflowing until we take our very last breath.

-Because maternal instinct and drive was built into me so strongly that it's my greatest passion. I love my job and can't think of anything else I'd rather do than nurture another child. It's my dharma.

-Because I feel a deep drive to serve individual souls this way. To help those who may have never reached their full potential have the most happiness possible, and find their own higher purpose is deeply rewarding.

-Because we have seen severe poverty, disease and hardship in India and Guatemala, and have been very affected by the unthinkable numbers of children in need of families. We know that adoption does not eliminate the orphan crisis, but if we can end the suffering of one more child and help expand awareness we feel compelled to do it.

-Because all children deserve a loving and supportive family, whether here in the US or abroad.

-Because even though we don't have room in our house for another child, we can make room.

-Because this quiet but persistent call within our hearts doesn't allow us to do nothing.

-Because we don't live in fear, worrying about negative outcomes or problems we may cause ourselves. We live from a centered place of love and trust, and in that sacred place it feels supremely right.

-Because we never underestimate ourselves and what we are capable of.

-Because we don't view another child as a burden, as expensive, as an obligation or more "work". Each child adds a new dimension to our family that we cannot imagine living without. Their presence always makes up for/casts out any ideas of hardship.

-Because we know and trust that everything we need will be given to us at the right and perfect time. This has proven itself to be true time and again, therefore we do not beleive in lack.

-Because we are grateful for all we have in our lives and welcome more gratitude.

-Because we crave more, ever new, ever expanding joy in our family.

-Because we know that she will shine her light on each of us in different ways and cannot say "no" to these possibilities.

-Because it is a calling felt deep within our core. Both of us feel called to this, together.

-Because we love all cultures and work daily to embrace them all as our world family. Having a multi-racial family will give us great lessons and personal growth that we can't even imagine yet. This excites us.

-Because all children are beautiful and equally deserving whether brown, pink, tan, yellow or white. Regardless of birth country, heritage, or genetics we are all one family and our's will reflect this.

-Because we still feel very young at heart and have so much to give another child. We can't imagine wasting this.

-Because we believe there is another soul calling to us, who is already part of our family.

-Because, selfishly, when we are very old we will want as many children around us, checking on us and loving us as possible.

-Because we don't see anything more worthy of our time and resources than welcoming another beautiful, brilliant soul into our lives.

-Because we like taking risks by biting off more than we can chew, and just chewing it! This practice has never failed to give us great joy. When we trust and say "yes" we are always rewarded in more ways than expected.

-Because who could say "no" if they won the lottery? Each new child has felt that way....a tremendous blessing and we often have to pinch ourselves.

-Because my gifts and talents are specifically geared toward mothering, nurturing and helping those around me gain strength, peace and joy. The sacred duty of Mothering was stamped into my heart before birth.

-Because I believe that Divine Mother is working through me to raise my children, and I am simply her vessel.

-Because parenthood is an honor, and each new child is a precious gift to ourselves.

-Because we don't want to say "no" to having more fun.

-Because children keep us young and inspire us to take even better care of ourselves. We look forward to being around long enough to see and care for our baby girl's children.

-Because she will teach us more than we will ever be able to teach her, and we will need her far more than she will ever need us.

-Because Love is the most awesome power in the universe.

copyright 2009, Christine Peebles

Green Kids

I am laughing my pants off! It's one of those things I usually forget to blog about, but I just happened to be online this evening writing to our homestudy agency so here I am. Daniel is doing a 30 day Juice fast that he calls a "Juice Feast". He's gone out and purchased so much organic, pure juice that we don't know where to store it. That's not the funny part....We all ordered out for Central American cuisine tonight, but Daniel concocted a juice smoothie blended with cucumbers, spinach, kale, broccoli, apples and apple juice. When it was all blended together it looked like fluorescent green ooze. He held the pitcher up to the kids prior to blending and they all said "Wow, cool, look at all that!" I was amazed at their acceptance of so much green. After blending he presented the pitcher to them and I thought they'd surely gag. Instead, Andrew and Sky begged for a drink. This is more than I could do because I can't handle the deep, super green heavy taste of kale. Finally Daniel gave them cups of juice and Sky drank it down in one swig! Andrew sipped in ecstasy while Sky commented on how delicious it was. I sat shocked by how unusual our kids seem to be. Sky craves broccoli and spinach and gets super excited when he has it in dishes, and now he's loving this 'super drink'. Daniel commented on how it went straight to his head and gave him a buzz and the kids agreed. They became more zippy and lively so I don't doubt it. I don't know why, but I cannot help laughing (with pride) about my kids. They argue with their classmates about how good veggies and tofu are! I wish I had a picture of that smoothie Daniel made....I swear it would glow in the dark.

Anyway, on a more practical note we're preparing for our social worker's visit tomorrow. After that it's only a matter of days before our homestudy is completed. The ball keeps rolling along and we're getting closer and closer to our little girl every day :-) She'll surely get brainwashed into crazy veggie living as well...hee hee hee.

Help! Needing a Name

NAMES, NAMES, NAMES!
There seems to be a huge hoopla about names in our house lately. Sorin is attached to certain names, while I'm patiently waiting to stumble upon the right name for our new daughter. Daniel wants to name her now so that she has an identity of sorts and I think the kids feel the same. She is faceless and nameless.....much like a birth child in the womb. A name gives her greater substance in reality. I understand this, but don't want to rush to the wrong name too quickly. I suppose whatever we chose wouldn't be set in stone at this point, but it would certainly be set in the kids' hearts. Below is a short list of names we're toying with. Interestingly, my Indian Yahoo group was on the topic of names today and how frustrating it is that Westerners cannot pronounce most Indian names correctly. I'm sure many cultural, ethnic names have this problem and I certainly don't want our daughter correcting everyone she meets. I'm not objective, as I love most Indian and Ethiopian names and am familiar with pronunciation. I forget that most people in the US aren't and it's why I named my dog Lakshmi. I have found this to be problematic with babysitters and extended family.....they either make rude, silly comments, laugh at the name, or simply cannot pronounce it no matter how many times we correct them. We want to be sensitive to this, but at the same time honor her heritage.

We love the idea of using an Indian name that is also found in Ethiopia. Many Islamic and Sanskrit names are used there, so we're researching those. This is a tiny list of names we like, some more than others...

Indira (Goddess)
Anjali (means both 'offering' and 'angel')
Meera (prosperous) used both in India and Ethiopia
Amira (Princess) used both in India and Ethiopia
Ameera (Princess) used both in India and Ethiopia, my top choice for now
Amara (Everlasting) used both in India and Ethiopia
Ella (Torch; bright light) *Sorin's favorite
Willow (the Willow tree) My favorite tree
Semira (Fulfilled) used both in India and Ethiopia
Semeera " "
Gabrielle (God is my strength)
Nandi (Happiness; joy) used both in India and Ethiopia
Rain (a nature name...love those!)
Chandra (the Moon; shining) Sanskrit
Dhara (planet Earth) Sanskrit. Another nature name
Heena (Vine)
Henna (the Henna plant)
Kamala (Born of the Lotus) Sanskrit
Jewel (Precious stone)
Lavender (the flower) 'Lavi' for short
Meghana (Thunder) Sanskrit
River (another nature name)
Zinnia (the flower)

I don't think many of the above leave much room for error or mispronunciantion, but we may be surprised! We love the idea of a name that is connected with both India and Ethiopia, mainly due to our spiritual ties to India...not because of Andrew Prasad (but it is a sweet connection also).

Last evening we simply suggested a few of these names at the dinner table and Sorin went bonkers, got very upset and was obviously very attached to 'Ella'. She firmly demanded us to name her Ella....who knows? Maybe it will be 'Ella Nandi', bright torch of joy! Or she may have a name we haven't discovered yet. All I do know for certain is that the kids are begging for a name so they can start talking about her as if she's a real person. I did this with both of my biological children prior to birth, and it made a huge difference. Daniel and I will be making some decisions this month, or at least narrowing it down considerably.

Any comments or suggestions are welcome.

Homestudy Documents Done

All documents are completed for the homestudy! I picked up the 6 notarized doctor letters from two physicians offices yesterday, verifying we're all in good health. I will be mailing out a thick packet of final documents to our local agency today and breathing a huge sigh of relief....aaaaah. This part of the process is always such a major relief to me. All we have remaining for the international dossier are two police letters (which takes a mere 1-2 days). I spent several hours typing up our whole dossier in December, so they're all ready for notaries. It won't be long until we get the dossier together

Our kids are all talking about their little sister daily...several times a day. Sorin still keeps trying to name her, and is now considering traveling with Daniel to get her. This will all depend upon how balanced she is, how well her medication is working, etc. She has OCD and some sensory issues that can become problematic if not under control. Lately she has been very balanced, conversational and easy going. We're praying this continues because a trip to see her sister's homeland would be marvelous for her. She did great in Guatemala 6 years ago!

Poco a Poco

Well, Sorin and Liam had their physical exams completed yesterday so that doctor has letters for them and Andrew completed. They'll be notarized and I'll pick them up Tuesday. Me, Sky and Daniel are getting letters from a different physician that we've seen recently...the process of document gathering for the home study is winding to a close. I'm feeling lighter these days about the paperwork process, and look so forward to the social worker visit. Now, if I can only get around to finishing the paint job on my bedroom walls! I'm a terrible procrastinator and can't stand doing trim work... Our little girl is going to share that room with us for her first year and we have one corner reserved for her bed. I'm planning to decorate it with pretty turquoise paisley stencils (our room is cocoa, sage green, with turquoise accents which all comes from our quilt). I don't see how I'll even get to the stencils....good thing adoptions take a while because our to-do list is enormous.

The Big Night

Vegetable Alecha

Injera

Last evening went very well. We had a scrumptious meal...the soup was super delicious and everyone enjoyed the meal. When it came to revealing the surprise, Sky used his great mathematic problem solving abilities and figured it out very confidently before we could say anything. I pointed out that we had 7 candles lit on the table, and then Daniel said "How many people are at the table?" The kids paused while Sky's wheels turned and he said something like "We will have a 7th soon. A baby will be coming to our family, I know, I know. But not until we've grown up more." I was in disbelief, mostly because of his confident certainty. Daniel then confirmed Sky was right, but that it was happening in 2009-- everyone went bonkers! Sorin was floored in disbelief and kept needing to make sure Daniel wasn't kidding, Andrew cheered loudly, Liam gave a high-five to Daniel while Sky sat in complete amazement (as if he thought his prediction may be false). Sky then said it will be terible to have 2 babies in the house because I already offer childcare to a baby named Cecilia. Sorin fell into sadness and worry and I had to have a long talk with her afterward....she awoke sharing that she was worried about her baby sister, whether or not she was born yet, and if she was getting enough to eat. She proceeded to survey family members about baby names and so far we all love the names Ella, Amira (princess) and Amara (eternally beautiful). I told Sorin we have many months to think of names and that she may have a name already that we fall in love with. I think it's her way of personalizing an anonymous, faceless sister. Andrew was up and down about it today....he talked a lot about what it was like at Bal Vikas, surrounded by babies and being made to help take care of and clean up after them. He seemed torn after I told him he won't have to do any work with his new sister, and said "But I want to, Mom, I'm good at it!" but complaining about Bal Vikas at the same time. Sky went from elation to insecurity, to enjoying names. Sky will be relinquishing his position as baby of the family (which he loves to milk for all it's worth), and I had to remind him he'll still be our baby boy.

I'll be posting video of the blessed announcement!