Mom: the Shrink

Daniel has been insisting I blog about something Sky shared openly with me. Daniel found it quite amusing.

Sky likes to talk a lot. He especially enjoys talking about himself, his accomplishments and how absolutely amazing he is at EVERYTHING. I don't feel bad saying that his ego is ginormous....it's true. He has always had a need to overinflate himself to fulfill his need for external validation. Today I was sitting in the living room, in quiet, reading. He kept talking about how great his Lego fire truck creation was with the huge swing ladder, side door that opens with a hinge, the real seats he had inside and how the whole design was the best he'd ever made (it really was). He then proceeded to talk about how much better he is at soccer than his friends, his muscles bigger, he runs faster, etc. He finally paused, became very quiet (a rare moment), and then said in an almost whisper "You know what Mommy?" he revealed "I like to show off. I really, really love to show off." I almost started laughing, but remained very calm "I know, Sky. You have always enjoyed showing off and bragging." Sky asked me if I knew why, and I asked him why he thinks he does it. He responded "Because I want everyone to know how completely great I am at everything!"

I wasn't as amused as Daniel about this because Sky seeks a great deal of external praise and validation. He has a very hard time when others succeed, and shows signs of feeling irrational inferiority during those times. I said "Well, Sky, do you know why you care so much about what other people think?" He was stumped, speechless (another rarity). I explained that people who need to brag and make sure others think they're "great" do it because they don't really believe it about themselves. They're not sure of themselves, so they need other people to tell them they're great. I said "Once you believe 100% that you're a marvelous, good enough guy, you won't care what anyone else thinks because you'll be thinking it for yourself." Inflated egos are always a sign of insecurity! Anyway, it was a major 'platter of food for thought' for Sky, but he took it in. I could see his wheels turning and he sat with it throughout the day. I really do not want to see him seeking external validation with such desperation when he's older... we need to help our kids learn to validate themseves from the inside out!