Amelie's Referral Day

Long post here....

This Mother's Day started out like any other Mother's Day I've had. The kids woke up, wished me a Happy Mother's Day, gave me cards, gifts, and Daniel showered me with gifts and a card, along with some extra pampering and help around the house. It was a nice day. I went to our meditation group's Sunday morning service and listened to someone read our guru's words about "Mothers", sang chants and sat in quiet meditation for two periods. During the second meditation I started coughing because my nose was running and my eyes were tearing up. I'd just received a very real and clear image of Amelie's face. She was swaddled in a white blanket with nothing visible, except her face. It was a 3/4 profile view and she was looking upward while being held in someone's arm. For the first time, her face was clear with every feature obvious to me. She was a baby. I became overwhelmed with emotion and worked hard at containing myself in the chair. A peace washed over me and I knew I had seen her.

After that I chose to laze around at home, sipping tea, while talking to Daniel and the kids. We ate lunch and the kids worked on projects of their own. My mom stopped by so I could give her a card and gift. I gave her a pendant that said "Sat Ayat" on one side (means Grandmother in Amharic) and "Amelie" on the back. It matches one that I have for myself that says "Enat" (Mother in Amharic), so it was a very special gift. She visited with us, talked for a short period, and then left for the day.

Finally, around 2:00pm I opened up my laptop computer and noticed I had an e-mail from our agency. This was highly unusual because our director has been in Ethiopia with limited internet access. I'd written him on Friday with our concerns about the recent court developments, and the cases that were placed on hold. I mentioned to Daniel that our agency director wrote back and he was very curious about what they had to say on the matter, so he came over on the sofa to sit down and read it with me (he rarely ever sits and reads e-mail with me):

Re: Question about Recent News
Hello
I will check on that Monday..... see attached.....do not put the info over the internet or blog please. Just info is for you.
Thank you

Daniel and I naturally assumed he may have sent us some information regarding the court situation that he didn't want us spreading around. We were curious, so clicked the "open file" tab and saw the names of the three files. Daniel understood it immediately, "Oh my God Christine, open it!" All three file names had an obvious Ethiopian name and it finally sunk in that it was our child's referral. Everything became frantic, so much so that I could only open the file containing her medical and background history, which contained no photos. We saw her age and were in disbelief at how young she was. We scrolled down a bit and scanned everything until we saw a paragraph explaining her development. We read that she has started to laugh loudly, which caught Daniel's eye, and tears started flowing... I sensed how overwhelmed and touched he was. After that, he kept saying frantically "scroll down, scroll down!" as if a photo may be at the bottom. It wasn't. The separate photo files would not open on my computer, for whatever reason. I was shaking, staring at her name. All these months I've been wondering what her name is, whether or not I'd like the name, or want to keep it for her, etc. I kept gazing at her name while at the same time barely catching my breath.

I loved her name, and knew her face was probably even more beautiful. Finally, after sending the files over to Daniel's laptop (across the room) he was able to open all the files. He and the two boys, along with Sorin, were able to see her first. All I recall is a lot of noise, jumping around and total excitement about what they saw. I braced myself and hurried across the room to see her tiny photo. There were two, and she was super cute, and she was sooooo tiny! Most of all, she was the same little baby I'd seen that morning in meditation. My heart melted, and I recall drifting in and out of my body, while going from amazement and awe into deep denial because I couldn't believe that it was 1) Mother's Day, 2) a Sunday, and 3) our agency director was overseas and inaccessible. Despite how unlikely a referral was, we got our referral that day. It is the most memorable, marvelous day for any mother to receive a referral. That day will always be even more special to me now and I'm so grateful for the timing.

I sat on the sofa and the rest is a big blurr. It reminds me of when I gave birth and the excitement of the moment caused some confusion, and details were lost. I do remember picking up the phone to call my mom. She was sitting in her car, parked in front of where we have our meditation group when she received the call. It was the very same place she was sitting when she first opened our announcement letter about the adoption back in December. I said "Mom, I'm looking at her right now!" I offered to send her the e-mail, but instead she opted to come back to my house- in a flash!

Interestingly, we planned to have Amelie's middle name as Lin or Linda, and add her Ethiopian name after that. My my mom's middle name is Susan. After my sister, Stephanie, did some research, her name appears to be an Africanized version of the name "Susan" or "Susanna", meaning "Lily." So, with her two middle names she will basically have the same two names as my mom. The coincidence was a bit chilling at first, but only reaffirms how perfectly right she is for our family. It was all meant to be. I've never had to await a referral before, and I will say that after finally receiving it I feel silly for ever getting worried or impatient while we waited. It came at the right and perfect time, with the right and perfect child for us. Everyone kept telling me that, but it's hard to know that at the time.

Now we sit tight and await a court date. It may take a while to receive one, but were guessing it'll be set for late June or early July. We're back to waiting...but this time we get to gaze upon her beautiful face every day!