Homestudy Nearing Completion

After spending nearly three hours with our social worker at the home study agency (Adoption & Counseling Services for Families) we feel more educated and swamped in pamphlets than ever before. She works out of her home in a suburb of Kansas City and is basically a 1-woman show. She's been working in this field for over twenty years, and I have to say she was more helpful, professional, and informative than any adoption agency we've encountered. She spent the first hour educating us about everything from attachment, to children's books on adoption to how to speak to our kids about adoption. I felt almost like I had gone to one of the most helpful seminars or therapy sessions. That is how adoption agencies should be, but in my experience they haven't been. Previously, we sat down for 30-40 minutes during our first visit, signed a contract, and wrote a check while they handed us a list of helpful books and references. There was no discussion, just information to look at if we desired. I am so impressed by this woman- her agency deals primarily in domestic adoption so she counsels birth mothers. This gives her a well rounded perspective. She's done countless homestudies for international adoptions, and was so knowledgable about the issues our kids may have or encounter later in life. She gave us a lot of food for thought.

We both left the meeting feeling 100% positive that we're sticking with Ethiopia. During the social worker's explanation of domestic adoption I couldn't help feeling a loud "Noooooooo!" rumbling from my core. It all felt completely wrong somehow and I still can't pin point why. All we do know is that we want all three of our adoptive children to be in the same boat, so to speak. We don't want Andrew, with absolutely nothing on his birth family, and Sky with very little ability to contact anyone in his, with an adopted sibling who knows their birth mother and may even see her from time to time. On one hand this could be positive (seeing a birth mother who cares and is loving with our whole family), but there are a whole plethora of things that make it uncomfortable for us, like potential resentment, discomfort for Sky & Drew. We also love international adoption in general... it's what we're called to most strongly, for whatever reason. We have to listen to that voice inside.

We initially desired to adopt from India again. With our strong spiritual roots there it just seems the most natural thing to do. But after a few knocks on several doors it was clearly not going to happen again. I'd inquired about two waiting children in Delhi only to discover they had a judge who wasn't hearing cases from families with even 1 child already in the home. The orphanages wouldn't even consider us with four kids. Then there was a child in Mumbai, but the orphanage required that a new child be younger than our youngest child....that didn't work. There are many court issues with judges, along with the fact that India just became a Hague country, complicating adoption even more until they get that process ironed out. We found a baby girl in Haiti we inquired about, only to discover Haitian adoptions can take up to 2-3 years, not to mention travel there is quite risky. Ethiopia became a tempting and beautiful option when we researched the almost streamlined process and efficient timelines. I'm not expecting a completely smooth road, but it is far more appealing than the other options at this point.

Daniel is completely smitten/head over heels with the idea of an African daughter. He has always admired the beauty of African children....they do have an undeniable glow about them! We just cannot wait to finally have our dossier completed and receive that call and photo of our little girl. After talking with the social worker, we've decided to share the news with our kids over the Holiday break. Probably around the New Year. She raised points about the kids needing time to adjust to the idea. If we wait for the photo, we'll travel within 2 months or so and that's awfully sudden for them.

The social worker also gave us a lot of advice I'm taking to heart, and implementing asap. She told us that one mom who adopted 3 children internationally had only one thing she would have done differently after her kids had grown. She said she would have not only pointed out and celebrated her children's cultures, but she would have embraced them as part of her own. She would have made them part of her very self, as things she loved personally and not just because they were her children's birth countries. This really affected me because I have no trouble doing that with India....I always did, prior to Andrew coming home, embrace that country because of my spiritual roots. I don't listen to Indian music or eat the food because of Andrew, I do it because I love it myself. I need to work on that more with Central America for Sky. Right now I have one Spanish CD that I love (I love Spanish guitar & singing), and we LOVE our Central American restaurant here, La Parilla (I think it's our favorite). I need to do more, though, to make it more a part of my very self. I wonder if Frida Khalo counts? Mexico is Latin America after all. We'll have to keep focusing on that, and make it clear to Sky that "We" love these things, and not because of him. GREAT ADVICE that I feel blessed to have received.