Taking Off!

We're leaving the house tomorrow morning at 7:30am! A sitter will be here, Julie, who will stay with Prasad until school starts. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like being separated from him for 10 days. He's doing well, hanging in there and is trying so hard to stay positive. He keeps talking about "the adventure" he's going to have with his three babysitters and Grammy Lin. I told him to please keep the house in order, take care of the pets, and help out whenever the sitters need it. He loves feeling as if we left some responsibility in his hands.

Daniel worked 1/2 day yesterday and has today off (he's fielding calls at home). We're scurrying around finishing up last minute details- banking, sitter notes, packing for Liam's 2 visits to his dad's, packing for Sky, etc. Not to mention the last 2 loads of laundry I'm doing so we can come home to drawers full of clean undies!

We'll be attempting to e-mail and phone if/when possible, but communication from Addis is tricky unless we want to spend an arm and a leg.

We heard from another visiting family who met Amelie recently, and we were told:

message 1)
"Amelie is PERFECT! She was happy and well cared for. When she went to get her passport I was there and she did not like having her picture taken."

message 2)
"She looks about the same size as our babies. Ours are 12 and 14lbs, they fit in 3-6 month clothing. The 6 month clothing is a little large on them. I don't know about the hair because they keep them so covered all the time but I do know she had much more than ours. She is truly gorgeous you are so lucky! She seemed happy and well loved. She took the pictures several times [for the passport] but was never fussy. Each chlid had a nanny. They all came over on a big bus together not one child was crying! It was amazing."

This information was so precious, considering we haven't received an update or photos for over two months. It brought huge smiles to our faces. Thanks so much to Ms. Tracy Lowery who recognized her in the orphanage and gave Amelie a kiss on the cheek for us! It means more than we can say. Amelie seems so real in our minds now, not just our hearts. It's starting to feel like she's here with us already. We're ALMOST THERE! Our next post will be filled with pictures of Amelie!

Soooo Close!

OH MY DEAR LORD... we are leaving in less than 5 days and we will have already held Amelie this time a week from now!!! With the day half over, we basically have 3 1/2 days left to get ready. This weekend is being spent packing (finishing up, it's mostly done), checking off our to-do list and adding to it whenever we realize we've forgotten something. There are so many little things to remember.

On another note, we finally found a loving home for our large Devon Rex kitty who keeps urinating on our laundry and other things in the basement. I really felt like it would be too much to manage after Amelie is home. He's a sweetheart, we've had him a year (after leaving my Mom's for the same reason). He'll be leaving for a new home in the Ozarks at 2:00 today, living with a breeder who loves and appreciates him. I just hope he's a good boy in the potty department! All we know is that it's the next chapter in his colorful life. He's a huge Devon Rex (over 15 lbs.) and we'll miss seeing him wobble down the stairs and blob around the house. Feels like we're clearing out and making way for our Amelie who will be here, in this house in exactly 2 weeks!!!

Special Delivery

We were so happy to receive a surprise care package for Miss Amelie this morning! It's from Sheree Downs, who happens to be my old babysitter from childhood. We recently got back in contact and it's been wonderful. She babysat my sister and I for so many years, sometimes twice a week since early childhood, until I was about 12 years old. She's an avid coupon clipper and sent us 40-50 coupons for FREE baby food! She was also thoughtful enough to include my favorite dark chocolate truffles, mmmmm. Thanks so much for thinking of us, Sheree!

Note: As you can see our cat, Zeke, appreciated the box...purring and rubbing all over it. He's been doing the same to our luggage these days.

The Jumping Off Point

Feeling a bit out of the loop lately. We had Parent Orientation at the elementary school and Liam's IEP meeting this week, and I still don't know how I did it. I haven't kept up with the news, my blog, other blogs or even my own life these days. In exactly 1 week we'll be sitting on an airplane taking Sky up to Chicago so he can stay with my sister and her family! I think Sky will have a blast on the airplane because he's completely fascinated by every type of transportation imaginable. He's been claiming the window seat endlessly!

We'll be saying our goodbyes at O'Hare airport and we're a little nervous about the unknown there. Will Sky greet Aunt Stephanie with a smile and controlled emotions, or will he be a blubbering ball of sadness and raw, gutteral moans? There is no real way to prepare him for this, and like all things with travel, we'll play it by ear. If the latter happens, we may resort to something tasty in my purse. Food does magic for him. It's how he became potty trained at age 3. Oh, the promise of those Chips-Ahoy cookies for every flush, and how quickly he got it when he knew food was involved. Works every time for our future connoisseur!

I'm looking so forward to the whole experience. I'll admit it- I feel childish, but I'm giddy. I feel like a kid about to go to a theme park or something. As if Christmas is right around the corner. My child, I will finally get to hold the baby girl I've been holding in my dreams! How can one not be giddy? On top of that, there's the night we'll have in D.C. together, ALONE, in peace and quiet and the whole entire adventure in a new land.

I have always been an adventurer, since childhood. At age 4 when we lived in Crete, Greece I have memories of exploring several blocks on the dirt streets. Exploring buildings, meeting kids from all over the area and driving my parents mad with worry. I'd walk to the bus stop there and watch people get onto the bus, wishing I could go, too. When I was about nine, living in American suburbia, I recall discovering and exploring the woods across the street and how completely excited I was about it. I spent hours there, sometimes until I reached pure exhaustion. I haven't lost that spirit, so this trip is feeding that ever-curious little girl in me. I can't wait to see Ethiopia, it's people, the diversity of religions and the tolerance people speak of between Muslims, Orthodox Christians and Jews. I look forward to all the unfamiliar sights, smells and sounds of my daughters homeland. Those things are gifts we take with us, and when we come back home we are changed forever. I love change, have always embraced it, so maybe that's part of why I love travel so much.

So I'm basically on the edge of my seat here, almost everything is done. We have so little left to do that if we had to leave today, we could. It's a strange place to be, like standing at a 'jumping off' point. The true jump off point is going to be the start of our lives when we return home. That type of travel is the most real and valuable of all; the journey of our lives and the exploration of our selves. I have a feeling Miss Amelie will be taking us to some new and beautiful places.

From Virginia to Amelie

It occured to me this morning that I've never mentioned Virginia in our blog. Coincidently, she is the little imaginary baby that was growing in my tummy over a year ago. I'd say since the Spring-Summer period of 2008. I was joking about my belly and how "baby Virginia" was growing inside my tummy. We had no intention of adopting another child, much less having a homegrown one in my belly. For some reason I kept feeling like there was a pregnancy of sorts going on. Daniel and I just laughed it off.

I remember analyzing the whole thing, thinking it must be symbolic of something I was 'birthing' in my personal life- creativity, new ideas, personal growth, etc. Not a literal child. Nonetheless, I had a lot of fun those months teasing my children by pushing my belly out (especially after large meals) saying "Oh my, sweet little Virginia is growing. Oh wait, I just felt her kicking. Come here Sky, feel it!" Sky and Prasad would laugh, go along, but it was all in fun and humor. We started talking about this baby girl entity as if she was a part of the family, and Sky would walk by asking "Hey Mommy, how is Virginia doing today?!" Don't ask me where the silly name came from....it sounded funny to us, calling a new baby what we thought sounded like an old lady's name. Talk of her increased and I remember it bordered on strange.

It didn't take long for this "Virginia" idea to catch on, creating an opening for the possibility of another child. Or was it the other way around? Did I start out doing it because intuitively I felt a child calling to me? It's eerie to realize that at the very same time a virtual baby girl was inside my tummy, Amelie was inside her birth mother's tummy. She was really growing and kicking at that time, about to begin her journey to us. And right at the very time she was born, Daniel and I solidified our decision to really bring a baby girl into our family. My virtual pregnancy with Virginia ended, and she became a real child, somewhere, and we had to find her. We will always laugh while telling Amelie this story and how she basically started out being called "Virginia." We've no doubt she will be grateful that we changed her name!

Small Family Snippets

Snippets seem to be all I have time for these days:

-Prasad is still going by Prasad, and he proclaimed at the breakfast table this morning "I will go by Prasad for the rest of my life, forever and ever." We are still all so proud of how far he's come.

-Prasad ran downstairs on Saturday morning, cheering about how he read the book "All I See Is A Part Of Me" all by himself. It was a more complicated book than his usual Dr. Seuss books, so he was immensely prideful. He sat on the sofa saying "I am such a great reader. Oh how I love myself so much!" These comments are miraculous. He is really becoming an avid reader... he's still dying to read every book on our shelves.

-Speaking of books, Liam loves thumbing through our bookshelves and we took these pictures yesterday morning while he browsed.

-Sorin was eating breakfast this morning and screamed loudly, startling all of us. I ran into the room, "What's wrong, Sorin?!" She seemed panicky "Oh noooo! I just swallowed a Cheerio whole!" She was seriously concerned and we had to explain that we didn't need to call an ambulance. We all laughed together afterward. Hysterical.

-Daniel and I finished grouting the basement floor Saturday, and Daniel painstakingly scrubbed all the tiles clean on Sunday. It looks great, and feels wonderful to know our basement floors are done for Amelie. We'll take pics after all the furniture gets moved back into the breezeway.

-Sky starts Chess Club today, and Prasad will resume his classical Indian singing class this Saturday after a long Summer break. Things are slowly getting back to 'normal' since school started up, and we're about to shake things up in JUST 10 DAYS! I guess we can say goodbye to life as usual in the Peebles household! Miss Amelie is sooooo close.

What Is In A Name?

I wondered how serious he was, and how long he would carry this request. Andrew Prasad asked us to start calling him Prasad again, and he was quite serious. In the past he has requested this off and on and then changed his mind within minutes. This time it's sticking because Thursday he announced his decision to his entire class. He brought an "All About Me" bag to school and shared anything and everything with the students about his past, India, his birthplace Nagpur, the 7 years he lived in Mumbai and his love of Indian music, clothing, food, etc. I'm told the students were mesmerized, curious and very excited to see Andrew/Prasad in this new and prideful way.

When he first came home we called him Prasad, and we had every intention of doing so. His legal name is Andrew Prasad Peebles, but we always planned to call him by his middle, Indian name. I always loved that name. It's the Hindi/Sanskrit word used for offerings placed on an altar. Those offerings become infused with the Divine, and are then taken or ingested much like bread and wine in Christianity. Prasad means blessing, blessed, and infused with God.

So, how did we make the switch to calling him Andrew? I will never forget it. He'd only been home a month or two. I was driving with him in the back seat. He fell into a solemn and serious mood and asked, "What is my first name?" I told him it was Andrew. He asked "Who gave me that name, Mom?" I told him we gave him the name Andrew. He sat silently for about a minute, then said "I want you to start calling me Andrew." I asked him why and he said "Because that name comes from you, you gave me that name and I love you." Since the moment he came home he'd been going through a phase of rejecting all things Indian. He completely refused to speak an ounce of Marathi or Hindi (he was fluent in both) and he didn't want anything to do with India. However, he continued to love Indian food, music, clothing and religious practices. He was the most reverent and devotional child, falling to the floor in front of our altar, his forehead upon the floor, calling our guru "Ganapati." Ganapati is the elephant deity they prayed to in Mumbai, and we could see it brought him a great deal of comfort. To this day he still calls our guru Ganapati, and has said he thinks they are one and the same. Very personal story, but Ganapati is the Remover of Obstacles. Prasad is right because we strongly believe our guru brought us to him. The adoption was just 5 months from start to finish (unheard of in India) and we met him on our guru's birthday. Remover of Obstacles indeed.

He retained a lot of the things that comforted him for 7 years, the food and religion, but had a very difficult time with everything else Indian, including his name. He endured years of abuse (verbal and physical), along with unspeakable torture. He was told repeatedly that he was worthless, trash, that no one would ever love or care for him, and that he'd go to jail. When he finally had a family they told him we would beat him. He came home feeling like nothing...worth nothing. His self-esteem was so low that we couldn't see the bottom. It was an endless pit of self-loathing, pain, anger and misery. Despite this, he clung to me, had outstanding eye contact and deeply trusted me from day one. We had a connection that cannot be put into words... ancient and more real than anything of this world. No matter how many times he fell down I kept encouraging him to get up and move on. No matter how much he hated himself, I kept loving him and giving him the acceptance he needed. He'd never known acceptance.

He's been home 2 years and 7 months now, has gone through two therapists and had his share of ups and downs. I credit a higher power for giving me all the tools I have needed to raise him. From the first day we met him when he was all over the place, wired with ADHD and PTSD symptoms I felt filled with an understanding and acceptance I'd never known before. I had no fear. I was being used for this soul, so that he could heal. I was given what I needed at every moment...it wasn't me doing the work. He has gone from a helpless out of control child to a prideful, helpful and compassionate human being. He loves himself and everyone so deeply now. I'd say it really picked up during Summer school this year because of an accepting teacher who saw how much potential Andrew Prasad has. He felt this, and it fostered a self-acceptance that we are loving right now. He's amazing, strong, good intentioned and so in need of serving/helping people. He's blooming. His teachers can't believe how prideful and happy he is with himself these days.

So, it's Prasad. The transition has been tricky, but we're happy to do it for the sake of self-love and transformation. I love the name, and in my heart he has always been my sweet Prasad. He still has work to do on himself, but don't we all? I am so proud of him in these moments, and it's what I live for. To see my kids shine however they are meant to, at their own pace and in their own way.

13 Days To Africa

We've been hunkering down to focus on so many details before travel. I keep realizing we have some details to iron out, or some 'things' we need to pick up at the store. Amelie will likely be teething, so I'm loading up on baby Tylenol, teethers, Anbesol gel and such. At the same time we're trying our best to pack as light as possible. A joke when it comes to a 9 day trip overseas with an infant in tow, but we're trying. We'll definitely be utilizing the laundry service at the Guest House because I'm not packing 9 outfits. We may get by with just wearing things twice.

The orphanage likes Ziploc bags, so I've been picking several boxes up for donations, along with girls underwear (I heard they had a dire need for them recently). I couldn't believe Wal-Mart had a pack of 9 undies for $5 and were even labeled as "Wedgie Free, no bunching" Is that for real and can there really be such a thing? Hilarious! There will be some lucky, wedgie free girls wearing size 6 undies at Toukoul.

We got all our Embassy paperwork completed, including the I600, I864 and the visa application. We don't know the exact name and birth date listed on Sosena's birth certificate, so we had to leave those blank (sometimes there are discrepancies). Today I'm starting to write up the daily schedule for the housesitters and may start the meal plans so I know what groceries to stock up on.

I found out from our agency that we're due for an update (pictures and medical) any day now. I have a feeling we'll get it just prior to leaving. It's been two months since the last update and I can't imagine how much she's grown. Will she be crawling everywhere, walking, etc? Two months ago she was babbling, laughing, sitting with assistance and changing objects from hand to hand, healthy & thriving well (in the doctor's words). We're ALL on the edge of our seats here, just dying to meet, hold, kiss, snuggle and play with her. I'm off to have another very productive day!

Two Weeks, Three Days and Counting

How did the time go so fast? Here we sit, just 17 days before we leave and it feels like we just passed Court. We started packing our bags last evening and I realized how many warm clothes we need to get out of stoarge. Addis temps are nothing like Kansas Summers, so no lightweight tops or dresses. I got Amelie/Sosena a windbreaker and we're hoping to have a ride outside of Addis just to experience some of the natural beauty of the country. I hear the mountains are amazing, and even rival Alaska's raw beauty (hard to imagine).

In the meantime, we finished up laying ALL the Mexican clay tiles in the basement this weekend. It's funny how long we take to get do-it-yourself home projects done around here. A few weeks prior to getting Andrew home 2 1/2 years ago we had just completed the play room and art room floors of the basement, and I'd installed a carpet runner on the basement steps. It feels like yesterday. Now, here we are finishing up the floor of the basement breezeway...it's a wide hallway type of room connecting the stairs to the playroom, I'd say about 17-18 feet long by 10 feet wide. It's a tricky space that required a lot of precision cutting of the tiles around awkward corners and stair molding. We're grouting this weekend. I know that every time we look at our beautiful basement floors (with extra wide grout lines to mimic the Southwest style we love) we'll think of both Andrew and Amelie, and the time we waited for them. There is so much love put into this house.

I've got most of Sky's letters and gifts packaged. He and Andrew will receive one a day until we come home. I'll have to mail Sky's to my sister's house in advance because it's just too much to pack in a suitcase. Yesterday Sky became a raving mess again. Crying to the point of hyperventilating, flailing his head everywhere. So dramatic, you'd think someone died. It's so difficult to know how far he should take his emotions.... he can't simply talk to us about our trip, he just falls apart in an extreme way. I hold him a while, stroke his hair and we talk, and talk in circles. The same conversation each time. Then it's clear that coddling him is causing him to convulse and practically stop breathing. Really, it's that intense. He's pulling his hair, rubbing his eyes out and the tears have no end. We have 17 days left before departure and we're concerned about encouraging this each day. We want him to share his feelings, that's great, but we don't want him to make himself physically ill. His nervous system has to be on overload. It always feels like there is a deeper pain behind what he says he's crying about. An old, undefinable grief, possibly primal with his birth or foster mother in Guatemala. He's too young to figure it out, and all we can do is comfort him. He's done a lot of work on the abandonment issues at home and in therapy, but it's a lifelong, evolving process. I'm fascinated by how different Andrew and Sky are in this regard, even though Andrew came home much older- 7 years vs. Sky at 17 months. Andrew doesn't have the endless hole of grief, loss and fears of abandonment. I believe personality and prenatal karmic related tendencies have so much to do with it.

Anyway, to break up Sky's mental pattern last evening after an hour of crying, Daniel walked into his room at bedtime and said "Stop picking your nose." Sky stopped and looked at Daddy, puzzled "What?!" Daniel said "I saw your finger shoved way up your nostril and I don't want you doing that." Of course, this wasn't true, but it was an attempt at changing the subject so Sky would calm down and maybe start arguing instead of crying (his favorite past time). It worked. Daniel laid down with Sky and he was calm the rest of the evening, fell asleep fine. Poor guy gets caught up in a tidal wave of emotions that seem larger than life. Everything is super serious and all encompassing to Sky, and I mean everything is usually much larger than reality. When he's clear headed, I think we're going to start helping Sky focus on all the positives about this trip- that he gets to have a vacation at his aunt's house, daily gifts from Mom and Dad and the new sister he's just dying to hold and love. He also needs to start young at understanding something our guru emphasizes- he is not his emotions, and they don't have to control him. They're like wild horses pulling the carriage all over the place. God knows Sky detests the idea of anything controlling him.

Okay- time to go nest, clean, pack, make lists, start Embassy paperwork and enjoy the sound of a very heavy and constant rain. It's an empty house today and I'm really enjoying it.

No Goodbyes, Only Seeya Later!

Lots of tears were shed this evening after little Cecilia made her exit. This picture was taken right before she left. Sky probably had the most difficult time, and is already asking to visit her some time soon. Andrew surprised us by bursting into tears, while Daniel and I had our share. She really touched all of us. Even Liam enjoyed her crawling into his room every day to rummage through his toy basket (he would smile and squeal at her every time). Despite the sadness, today marks a turning point in our process with Amelie. I will have three weeks with the kids at school to get everything in order before travel. I'm kind of amazed at how fast time flew by...it hardly feels like we watched Ceci for 8 whole months. In the blink of an eye Amelie will be here.

Last Day With a Sweetheart

Today is bittersweet for our family. It's the last day we're taking care of little Cecilia after 8 months of being blessed by her presence in our home. I first started caring for her full time in December of last year as a means of raising money toward adoption expenses, and it has helped us greatly. Our airfare and stay in Ethiopia are courtesy of my time with this sweet baby girl. But I didn't expect to receive so much joy, so many smiles, and so much radiance from such a little one. She was just three months old, sooo tiny when she came and I can remember how bald she was and that I had to hold her for every feeding. I watched her sweet spirit emerge and grow every day. When anyone walks into the room she lights up and gives them such a beautiful smile. There are no words to describe how perfectly she slipped into our family.

When we started having Cecilia here, we had no idea how old Amelie would be. In our homestudy we were approved for a female child, age 0-4, so I expected and older child. Ceci was born in August '08, and when we got Amelie's referral and found out she was born in September '08 it was almost chilling. The many months I cared for Ceci I recall thinking about all the things I was missing out on with Amelie- watching her grow, cuddling, seeing her teeth come in, her development, etc. But with Ceci here I sort of experienced watching Amelie through her. This past 8 months I have loved our girl through Ceci, and it has comforted me greatly. I just know these two girls are connected. We plan to have playdates, and hope to continue to watch Ceci grow. She has just been such a beautiful, sweet presence in our lives at the right and perfect time. Sky adores her in a way that I never knew he was capable of at his age. Tending to her needs, playing with her for hours at a time and feeling so much empathy when she is upset. She softens him, and takes him out of the usual, self-centered "all about me, look at me" stage. I've learned so much about my kids by having Ceci here. As Sky says often, "Ceci is our teacher so that we know what to do when Amelie gets here. Thank you, Ceci!"

I have to add that I fear Cecilia has spoiled me rotten. She is what some might call a Zen or Buddha Baby... very easygoing, peaceful, no cholic, not demanding, great napper and easy to please. She is carefree, secure and extremely happy 99% of the time. Seriously, I would love this with Amelie but I have zero expectations in this department. We're preparing ourselves for a ball of fire, but if she's also a Zen girl that's fine, too. Whatever the case, it has been a complete joy to spend so much time with such a bright soul. Cecilia, your presence will be dearly missed, but we will be in touch!

Oh My Noodles!!!

In just 3 weeks our physical journey to Amelie will begin. It's very real now. Three Thursdays from now we'll be boarding a plane with Sky to Chicago so he can stay with my sister. We'll have about a 3 hour layover, get our bags and sit there all dreamy eyed about the prospect of seeing our daughter for the very first time. We'll land in DC (Dulles) that evening and stay in a hotel, rest up, shower, center ourselves and complete our 15+ hour journey to Addis. We found out another parent will be on the same flight with us out of Dulles, so we'll be landing with someone also needing to get to the Toukoul Guesthouse... comforting. On the return flight home we know of at least 4 families on our flight, totaling 7 infants on board! Those are just families we know, there are probably more. What a wild ride that will be. I welcome every moment, all the ups and downs. I know we'll have quite a rich story to tell and retell again and again to Amelie when she is older. Kids love to hear their parent's stories about them, and boy do they like repetition. Interestingly, each time we've told Andrew and Sky's stories there are always more details and memories that surface. And now, Sky is asking to hear Andrew's stories while Andrew wants to hear Sky's. It's one of the most bonding things a family can share together. So much joy and so many laughs.