Amelie at Le Toukoul

Here is a link to a blog that explains Amelie's orphanage- Le Toukoul. There is a picture of the infant beds, and three videos to view if you scroll down. I'm proud to be working with Adoption Avenues when I read about all they do for HIV and handicapped children.
I had chills run over me when I saw the first video of them driving onto the orphanage grounds. Is she there yet?

Sky's Leaf Party

Sky and Andrew were great and willing helpers with the yard work today. Daniel and I just sat back while they stuffed bags full of old Fall leaves. After a long 72 degree day, Spring is in the air!

Garden Fashion

I am a very humorous person, and find myself bursting into laughter all the time. But I have to say Andrew took the cake for me today when I replaced the foil wrap on our Lavender centerpiece with a wooden basket. Like he always does, with just about any discarded article, he asked "Can I have that?" I often say no to avoid the usual "Drew's dumpster bedroom" scene, but I handed it to him wondering what he could possibly want with it. Of course, why wouldn't someone wear it? Why didn't I think of that?! When he put it on and went outside to rake the old leaves I just could not stop laughing. It was painful laughter with tears rolling down my cheeks and the endorphins are still spewing forth this evening. He has no inhibitions and I love it. Our conventional Sky just stared at him, scrunched his face and stayed on the other side of the yard. Andrew wore it the whole hour they worked outside while passers by just smiled at him. Fortunately, this is the day Andrew started his new ADHD medication and it's obvious he hasn't lost that funny, expressive sparkle!

And We're Off!

Andrew, Sky and Daniel barely made FedEx's 6:00 cut-off today, but they arrived with smiles and a whole lot of pride. Sky and Andrew both seemed honored to be a part of it. At 6:00 I was deeply focused at a group meditation and kirtan service. Much needed after this hectic, but happy day. My shoulders are lighter tonight and I'm celebrating with my 3rd small piece of cheesecake...I'll take any excuse to indulge. And I swear, if anything tells a parent they can handle the extra work of an added child it's the compiling of an adoption dossier. There is so much involved, and so much focus needed that it will make Amelie seem like a piece of cake! Err, uuuh, "cake" on the brain tonight.

We are, at last, a Waiting Family! This means a referral as soon as April 9, or hopefully no later than May 28! It's time to get very busy with life so that the calendar doesn't become torturesome. Hmmm, which unfinished household project should we tackle first?

Official Business Completed

It's been a long day that started early. As soon as the kids were in school, we headed to Topeka to have our dossier's State Notaries authenticated. We had 29 documents in all, and the State attaches two pages to the top of each one. When we walked into the Secretary of State building we met up with the same woman, Georgia Lott, who has done authentications for all three of our adoptions now. She's an older, heavy-set woman with glasses who is as sweet as can be. We were so happy to see her because after all these years feels like a dear friend. She informed us that she couldn't authenticate our County issued marriage certificate, but directed us to where we could get a new one. We zoomed over there (across the street), obtained that in 15 minutes and zoomed back to her office where she had all the authenticating completed. At $7.50 a document, the bill was paid with money I earned doing child care, which felt great :) Thank you, Baby Ceci!

After that rendevoux, we headed to the copy shop making 2 copies of the whole dossier. Each page was copied individually (29 documents with anywhere from 3 pages to 10 pages each). And the monotonous stapling...urrrgh. Of course, it's all a joy when we're this far along. Presently, Daniel is driving to Kansas City to authenticate the State seals on his and Sorin's Missouri birth certificates. When I have those in hand we'll be overnighting it all by FedEx to our agency.

Tomorrow we'll officially be a Waiting Family, and we may very well have our referral in 5-12 weeks!

Ups and Downers

What a week for Andrew. It's been a while since I posted anything about how he's doing, so here we go. Overall, he's been progressing well and we continue the attachment therapy that has literally turned our whole family around. Andrew and Sky have both benefited from that. Andrew's anxiety and fears are virtually gone, outside of an occasional bad dream or memory popping up. Academics are another matter, and we've been concerned since he returned to school and left our more laid back, creative home school environment. He was evaluated and tested out the wazoo recently, and was found to be attentive 23% of his day. The other 77% he is distracted due to sensory issues and ADHD symptoms. This concerns Daniel and I greatly, so we're looking into an alternative medication for him.

Meds, meds, meds....urrrrgh. The 4-letter word that we can't live with, and can't live without. He's been on an anti-anxiety medicine that also significantly curbs depression. This helped mainly with his old PTSD trauma symptoms. We have to take him off that in order to start an ADHD medicine because his psychiatrist is nervous about overmedicating a boy who is so low-weight. As he withdraws from this medicine he's seeming more irritable and sad, but hasn't displayed any trauma symptoms (that's the good news). He's apparently feeling more safe and secure...yay! Now, if we could just help him through this withdrawal phase without him getting too depressed. Poor fella thinks everyone is against him these days! We don't know yet if this is just a withdrawal side effect, a sign he has real clinical 'depression' or just needs therapy to help him change his thinking. Whatever the case, he's starting new ADHD meds next Monday and we're all bracing ourselves, hoping it goes well.

As always, Daniel and I have mixed feelings about all of it. We're seasoned with mental health issues and treating our kids, but it's so very hard to discern what a child really needs. We do know for a fact that Andrew needs help focusing and learning in class; massage and vitamin supplements aren't cutting it. He's a wacky, wild, fun and beautiful boy...he's unique and will never fit into the little box our schools need him to fit into. I don't look forward to a zombie version of him, and hope we can skip meds on weekends so that the authentic and fun part of him can shine on us. I'm always amazed when kids have to be medicated just to pay attention and control impulsivity..... always stunned by it. But when we see numbers like "on task 23% of his day" we get very nervous for a boy who needs so desperately to feel "normal" and "smart" and all those positive things. He's brilliant in so many ways.

I'm stressed and apprehensive as I write all this, but I know there are so many other families out there dealing with similar or worse issues who completely understand. Andrew's appointment is Friday and we look forward to exploring all his options. I thank God he has any options! He's getting old enough to start discussing how his brain works, how special he is and ways he can appreciate himself. The letters: A-D-H-D are so confusing to him at this point, but we do have to start somewhere.

Finishing Up and Starting New Projects

Home Sweet Home

Wow, I have time and energy to blog today, amazing!

We stayed up last evening compiling and organizing our dossier according to the agency's list. Along the way I noticed we hadn't printed out several documents I prepared weeks ago, but as soon as we printed a few pages the ink ran out- perfect timing! Daniel made a run to the office supply store at 8:00 this morning (as soon as they opened the doors) so we could finish up the printing. After all the kids got to school we rushed out the door for Notaries, baby Cecilia in tow. We sat at the bank for over thirty minutes while the Notary poured through all the documents. She signed so many that she began making mistakes on the date, month, etc. She did lots of crossing out and correcting toward the end because it was simply mind-numbing.

After that, we made our way back to the office supply store to make copies of everything so Daniel can fax it all to our agency today for proof reading. They'll look it over before we go out to Topeka for authentication. We wanted to get our passport photos completed at that store, but the camera was broken-- more perfect timing! Instead, Daniel will do his without me in Kansas City and I''ll try to get to Walgreens later today. Whatever the case, our dossier will be ready for authentication Thursday morning. It will be mailed to the agency that day and we'll be an official Waiting Family! Letting go of all the paperwork is marvelous and liberating. Feels kind of like the first tri-mester will over at that point.

During the wait for Amelie's referral (5-12 weeks) we have a lot to stay busy with. We'll be getting a corner of our bedroom ready for Amelie's bed, and figuring out storage for her things. After all we've been through with our two adopted boys, our primary concern is attachment, so she'll be sleeping in our room for at least a year. After that, we're considering expanding to our attic for her room. I climbed up there through my closet yesterday and it's quite a long, large space with enough ceiling clearance for a basic room. It already has some wiring up there, too. Daniel's brother is a builder/contractor and we're talking to him about framing it for us. He'd also put in a small, winding staircase for us at the end of the hallway (probably have to do that first for access).

Why add another bedroom when we already have five? Well, in a nutshell, the only other option would be to place Andrew and Sky together and that just IS NOT and option. I have been deluding myself since we started the whole adoption process that they will eventually have harmony to coexist in a reasonable way together. This may be true, but NOT in the same room! I awoke with a light bulb flashing in my head "If Andrew and Sky cannot share the same bathroom cabinets for their toothbrushes, what makes you think they can ever share a whole room, Christine?!" Seriously, Andrew has to keep his toothbrush downstairs with Sorin and Liam's because he gets into Sky's things, gets upset that Sky is responsible enough to own his own dental floss and such. We had to separate their things.

Sky is a sort of organizational freak, is somewhat gentle on toys (for the most part), and needs his space. Andrew is a complete slob (sorry to say that, but he is a scattered ADD typical artist type and doesn't care about organization), and he breaks almost everything he touches. He simply cannot leave other people's posessions alone, especially if he's rooming with them! They roomed together for a short period over a year ago, and it was a disaster....they both lacked sleep, got mad at each other constantly, and are a hazard to one another's safety. It all gives us a headache.

Long term-wise Liam's little downstairs room (with an outside entry) will be a laundry/utility/mud room in 4-5 years, and Sorin's downstairs room will be a simple guest, library and TV room. We'll basically be down to 3 bedrooms when Sorin and Liam move on, so the attic seems the prefect route to go. Daniel's brother is stopping through town to look around the attic, take measurements and tell us what he thinks.

Change, growth.... it seems to be a theme throughout my life. Oh, and we still need to finish up the basement...I'm Queen of Unfinished Projects! Just can't get enough of them. This little girl coming along is going to impact and motivate us in major ways; I think we're in for some amazing things with her here. We can't even begin to imagine what they are right now, but I get the sense it's big and beautiful. Makes me nervous and excited at the same time.

Harmony

Dooby has been with us 6 months now, and he used to be my mom's cat. He's very big and heavy, so he's aka "The Blob" and "Bubba", and Sky has called him "Meatball" on occasion. Despite how affectionate he's always been with Daniel and I, he has been so cautious and cranky with the kids (especially with Andrew and Sky). We had to take this picture when he sat on Sky's lap and stayed there for quite some time, purring and happy.

Hoarse, Frazzled and Grateful

Today's the day of getting the dossier documents together for notarization. We'll be going to the bank soon with a pile of papers to sign, and they always look at us like we're nuts! "Wow! Uuuh, what's all this?" It really is worse than the pile we signed to buy our home.

As I'm doing all this organizing, there have been two boys out of school since yesterday due to parent-teacher conferences (along with the infant I care for M-F). It's been an unnerving experience because I had laryngitis the past two days and couldn't speak more than a whisper when the boys needed discipline or reprimands. It was comical, really, watching myself in a whisper yell "No, Sky! Don't do that!" I can't believe they weren't rolling on the floor from the hilarity. I ended up having to separate them about half the day just to keep my sanity, and make sure they didn't clobber each other or burn the whole house down! Seriously, I shouldn't paint it that terribly...Sky steps in so often to help with the infant care; he is a huge help. He read her a zillion story books yesterday, gave her so much love and affection and just oogled over her all day. I still cannot get over how much he loves her. I told him this morning about how she had a bowl of baby cereal and he was SO PROUD of her, beaming and complimenting her. He had to run into the kitchen screaming"Eeeeeeeee! Her super cute and tiny bowl and spoon! Aaaaaaaaaw!" I have never known a more baby-crazed 7 year old boy.

Speaking of Sky, the conference with his teacher went great last night. All areas have improved significantly since our last conference. He's showing far more self control, positive choices, and is soaring academically. He's 3 reading levels beyond where he should be, and keeps progressing. His birth mother is illiterate, and I can't help thinking about how proud she'd be (brings tears to my eyes). His reading is so good now that I'm having to ask him for privacy when writing, blogging or doing e-mail (he is a huge snoop!) No more writing stuff out and thinking my boys won't be able to decipher it. I am so not used to that because Liam, with the autism, doesn't read, and Sorin is rarely interested or focused enough to read my things. It is an interesting journey to be the first time parent of a typically developing child, but I'm enjoying it.

Now, if I can just keep them from maiming one another today. My voice is back (however hoarse). Andrew slept in, and woke up crying to me about a terrible dream. He said he was with Daddy, they had a flashlight in the dark and couldn't find me. They later realized I was gone forever and started holding each other and crying. I was standing at the stove, making scrambled egges when he shared this. I held him and had to remind him it was just a "fear dream." Like so many adopted children, he is deathly afraid of losing his mother. His great relief at holding me was palpable, as if he couldn't believe I was alive and well. Aaah dreams...I'm so glad he was able to share that with me. Maybe today will be a more calm and relaxed day, maybe not. We're just happy to have each other no matter how hairy things get.

We have Good News, and Good News

As if yesterday wasn't enough good news, we've been lambasted with more, unexpected news today. First, and most simply I will share that Daniel got word, from an attorney he partners with, that we received a large settlement on a very old case. This was shocking to Daniel because he'd completely forgotten about the client and the case. We love those surprises! I have been hoping, praying, and open to something like this since we started the adoption process. Finances are always an issue in international adoption, and each time we haven't been prepared but took the leap anyway. We just trust, and it shows up at the perfect time one way or another!

On another note, I received news from another family that a judge who was previously on maternity leave in Ethiopia will be returning on March 1st, AND she will have an assistant, AND she will ONLY be hearing adoption cases! This is big news because court has slowed down considerably in recent months, and there has been talk of needing a new judge. This means after we receive the referral of Amelie, it will only be 1-2 months until our court date instead of the 2-3 months we've been seeing lately.

I don't like to set myself up for disappointment, so this projected timeline is merely a hopeful one based upon recent family timelines with our agency:

Dossier completed and sent to our agency- next week (1st week of March)
Dossier sent to ETH and translated- (1st week of April)
Referral of Amelie- 1-8 weeks later (Let's guess late May)
Court date- HOPEFULLY before late July before courts close for the rainy season (August & September). If not, worst case scenario (we can live with) we'll wait during August & September and be heard in October.
Travel- Either during or after the rainy season. Since we started this process we've been hoping to have our little girl home with us on Thanksgiving.

Looking at it that way, we are 6-9 months out, which isn't bad. It's dreamy really! We need to hope this streak of efficiency keeps up. If it does she will be here sooner than we realize.

USCIS APPROVAL RECEIVED!

It's another record! Our I-171H approval letter arrived today, only 6 days after fingerprinting. Sorin always carries the mail in when she gets home from school, and she handed it to me. I ripped it open in excitement while she asked me what was going on. She was surprised by my unusual fuss over a small piece of mail. I said "Oh my, Sorin! This is the letter we've been waiting for. Approval to adopt a child from Ethiopia!" She started getting as giddy as me, we both hugged, and squealed with complete relief. Now, all we have to do is get everything together for the notary so we can have the full dossier authenticated in Topeka. After that it goes to our agency, and we never see it again. Our official wait will begin! Daniel and I have plans to get our passport photos for the dossier, and pictures of our home & family together the next two days. Next week it will get authenticated and ship out to our agency. We are walking on air with relief that the USCIS didn't make us wait too long. I've heard it take anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months for families. Six days was marvelous, not to mention the measley 10 minutes we spent at their office last week. We hope this auspiciousness continues as we get closer and closer to our little girl. WOOO HOOOOOO! Time to dance ;-)

Jai "Slumdog"!

The win last night at the Oscars had us cheering out of our seats. "Slumdog Millionaire" is literally my favorite film of all time. Not because it's filmed in Mumbai where Andrew Prasad lived most of his life, but because it's a rich, multi layered meaningful, multi sensory experience that promotes hope and joy. It's positive and uplifting, and most importantly it's about love.

My Indian guru spent so much of his life talking about the importance of merging East and West. The efficiency and productivity of the West with the wisdom of the East could take us into a higher age. This film is a microcosm of that. The English director, the producer and many who worked to make it seamless were Western, but there was a whole "Indian side" of the equation that collaborated and helped build such a wisdom filled, perfect film. I'm hoping this opens people's minds in our country to the beauty of the East, to Eastern and even Middle-Eastern people and that we can all begin to unite somehow in appreciation for one another. We each have something valuable to contribute, and for me this film is a symbol of the growing East-West connection.

Andrew is so deeply prideful today. He kept saying that Mumbai is the place where he was born, and "it's also the place where they made the very best movie in the whole, whole world." He asked me to write the name of the movie on a slip of paper so he could share the news with his teacher and classmates. Of course, he hasn't seen it (it's not appropriate for 9 year olds), but he has seen many clips online and just loves the soundtrack. It's such a positive part of India for him to embrace, ultimately enabling him to embrace himself :) When I watch those children in the film I know they are my Andrew....they are exactly where he would be if he were to have stayed in India, gone to the government home, and eventually been put out on the streets (or he would have escaped to them.) How we love real life happy endings!